Happy National Daughter's Day!

I can’t say enough about my amazing girl.  We are entering a new chapter next week, one I am not ready for but it is coming no matter what I feel.

She turned 18 in April and now is moving away to take her first job to fulfill her life long dream of being a competing equestrian.  I am heartbroken and so proud of her.  I am not sure what I am going to do without her here.  I know this is the next right thing, but it pains me.  It is hard day when you realize your identity is/was so tied up to being her mother.  For the past 20+ years, I have mothered every single day. My son moved out three years ago.  And that was a whole other experience.  But she is my baby and now she too moves onto whatever comes next for her.

I am in awe of her drive, her determination, her common sense, her funny, sunny personality, her loving heart and her ferocity.  I am just not sure what I am going to do without her in my every day. My whole world has turned upon hers for so long now...

I wouldn’t change it if I could.  I know this is right, but I also have to admit that I am feeling just a little lost knowing that my mothering days, at least the way I have known them for the past 20+ years are changing.

I have no worries about her success and her jumping into this next chapter.  She will do amazing.  She manages 1200 pound beasts as if they are nothing.  She is accomplished and poised and always wanting to learn more.  Always.

I guess this is one of the downsides to having kids.  Your entire job as a parent is to love them so much that one day they leave you.  They move away and begin their own lives that have little to do with yours.  A bond always, but the relationship changes and priorities shift.  All as it should be, but so very hard nevertheless.

I attempt to celebrate her every day but I especially want to honor her today.  This amazing young woman I have been blessed to raise for her whole life thus far.  The wonderful human being she has turned out to be.  I am so very grateful you picked me to be your mom.  I am not sure what I did to deserve you, but I am ever elated you did.

Motherhood is hard.  It is often a thankless job and your best efforts require they leave you long before you are actually ready.  Praying you did your job well enough to equip them with the skills, knowledge and confidence they will need to succeed in this totally fucked up world.  I really wanted the world to be better for my kids.  Alas, the world provided them with today’s evolving shitshow that feels like the plot is totally lost and we move ever closer to a civil war.  I attempted to do better for them, for her, but the world and its ensuing insanity isn’t up to me...

I pray I did a good enough job of raising her that when she launches next week, she is ready.  I pray I am ready too.  If you see me on my flight home from Phoenix next Friday night, sobbing in my chair, please give me a hug.  I am going to need it.  And I am giving you a head’s up so you don’t have to worry about the woman crying in seat 9A.

As always the tears will be bittersweet.  I want this for her.  I never want to fence her in.  I want her to be free and wild and to wander this world full of wonder and delight.  I just hope I get to be part of her new world as much as I can.  She is a bright light in this home, and it is going to be hard to replicate without her wonderful, loving soul.

Godspeed my beautiful girl.  I am forever here for you.  I am so proud of you.  I love you with all that I am.  And I will be praying for you, as always, that you may be happy, joyous and free for all of your days...

Always.

Again, still...