Hard Things Break...

Softer things bend.  I have done a good job remaining flexible enough to not snap.  Even when I was bottoming out with drinking, I was still in law school, working five different jobs and dating.  From the outside it looked ok.  From the inside it was a mess.  I was definitely at a breaking point, but instead I bent.  I leaned into sobriety and a different way to live and that changed everything.

Even at my worst, my inner self bent before I snapped. Always remaining flexible enough in my thinking to bend towards the change that needed to come.  I am not often happy about it, but nevertheless, I am not brittle, refusing to bend or lean, therefore fracture under the weight of what is to come.

Why have I always bent?  When I have been near cracking, why was I able to remain flexible enough in body, mind and spirit to bend?  I think to some degree it is genetic.  I have a high resiliency point.  Others do not.  I had favorable life circumstances from an early age that minimized the cruelty of the world I experienced.  I had loving caretakers, who had their own issues to be sure, but did a good job caring for me.  So the genetic and experiential factors gave me flexibility in thought and body.  

I have been thinking a lot lately about how flexibility and bendability are vital for advancing age.  We tend to think about the body and tend to forget the mind.  But I think in order to maintain a flexible posture, one must also remain bendable in thought and belief.  I do not know a lot in this life.  In fact, the more I live, the less I understand.  Today’s world makes little sense to me.  I am not a huge fan of society at large today.  And don’t even get me started on government.  For the most part, I opt out as best I can.  Doing what I can to improve any circle I might be in, but then retreating to my sanctuary to rekindle my love for humanity from a distance.

Hard things break.  And I guess this is a motto for the advancement of age.  A reminder that if I allow my thoughts, beliefs and feelings to harden, I shall surely snap.  And the come back from a break is a death knell with every passing year.

I do not want to break.  And I will fully own that I often do not enjoy bending.  But of the two, bending is easier.  Even though, in the moment, it might feel like the greater challenge. To remain flexible in the face of all rigidity of advancing years is no easy feat.  But worth the effort.

I also keep in mind that if I become a hard thing, I break others too.  I want to allow my being to remain pliable and soft so that when others, on their own path and journey, inevitably crash into me, they are not harmed by the contact.  I want my love to be free flowing and easy.  I want others to feel safe in my presence.  I want them to have a soft place to land in me.  And the only way I can do this on the daily, is to ensure that I stay well centered and balanced in my own life.

I am bendable today, doing my best to leave out and off the rigidity of thought and mind.  It is a daily commitment to returning to my center and doing what I can to balance myself within myself so that I can face all the hard things hurled at me in this life.  Bendability turns out to be a vital skill for living.

Again, still...