Mother's Day - A Thank You to My Ex...

First of all, I want to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the women out there in the trenches!  And also a Happy Mother’s Day to all the people out there filling in that role for all the mothers who are absent or missing.  May you all have an amazing day that celebrates you and all your efforts each and every day of the year!

I woke up this morning reflecting on my mothering journey.  All the twists and turns, hardships, pains, losses, joys, gratitudes and loves.  And I arrived at perhaps an unusual place...an intense and great amount of gratitude for my ex-husband.

Let me explain...

I have never been easy.  I have never been the kind of woman that is just so easy to love.  I have commitment issues and an attitude and an independent streak 100 miles wide.  I am not for everyone which is why I have spent most of my life alone.  Trying to lock into something amazing but always falling just short.

Today when I was reviewing how I got to this Mother’s Day right here, I was taken back to the time before I was ever a mom, which seems impossible because motherhood changes you forever and completely.  But I was remembering back to the time when it was just me...and then him.

He already had a son from his previous marriage.  And he wasn’t just jumping up and down to have more kids.  He wasn’t opposed, but I think if I would have been good with just his son, he would have been ok with that.

But he supported my quest to be a mom and loved me through it, showing up for me, walking through a very difficult first pregnancy and then another.  Without him, I don’t know that I would have ever made it to actual motherhood status.  

So today, I woke up super grateful to the man I used to be married to, who is the one that made me a mom.  And I feel a well of gratitude for him and all the love and care he gave me during those early years.  

We are not still together but I remain forever grateful for the kids we created together and the role he helped me achieve in my life.

I also am grateful he was supportive and encouraging of my desire to stay home with the kids when they were little.  How I got to be there every day when they woke up and every night put them to bed.  I got to breastfeed without all the pumping drama because I there with them every single day.  I do not think either of my kids ever had a bottle...there was simply no need.  I was there with them 24/7.  And that was because of him, he went to work and supported all of us which allowed me to stay home and at first work part time and then not work at all.  Which for someone like me was something I never dreamed would be possible.  I always felt like my livelihood was 100% my responsibility.  And I could not ever imagine a time when I would turn my financial future over to anyone else.

As I reflect on the years passed, I find myself feeling immensely grateful for him and all his efforts and sacrifices.  He went to work so that I could stay at home and raise our kids.  To be a present and available mom to them.  And I really wish I would have been able to be more grateful at that time.

Sometimes gratitude is something you can only experience in retrospect.  And so it is with this for me with him.

I would not have gotten to be the mother I am today without his aide, support and efforts.  And today, on this day that celebrates motherhood and all its wonderful demands and gifts, I want to take a moment to honor all the men out there who give us this most amazing blessing and for all the support along the way.

So thank you, Tom.  I know that I didn’t say it enough back then but I am saying it now which has to count for something.  Thank you for making me a mom and for supporting all of us so that I could get to be home, present and available to our kids when they were little.  It is a gift I did not fully appreciate at the time but, as the time goes by and our kids leave the nest, I am more and more grateful for every single day.

Perhaps that is the best thing about being a mom, you get to gain deeper and deeper insight into yourself and the way you are in this life.  Who you are and how you show up.  And how instrumental you are in the lives of others...which I will be honest has felt like a totally unfair burden at times, but also the most amazing gift.

I am grateful today to celebrate this day where I can reflect and appreciate the efforts of my own endeavors but also those of the man who supported my growth and change in this most amazingly hard endeavor.

Happy Mother’s Day to all!  Today, I thank the man who made it all possible for me and them.