Obstacles & Interruptions...

It seems, sometimes, like life is just a series of them, right?  But what if that is just life, the things that derail us and alter our course are not really obstacles or interruptions but just part of our path that we are not in charge of?  What if there really are no obstacles or interruptions?  What if everything that is currently happening is just the path?

I am not sure we humans will ever be able to accept this premise, forever.  But perhaps, maybe with a lot of training and effort, we can begin to release this idea that we are being derailed, sidelined, delayed or inconvenienced when things happen that are beyond our control, permission and purview.  I mean, what if it is all just life unfolding the exact, perfect way it is supposed to?  What if that was just the way it was supposed to be and we could release all our ideas to the contrary?

Man, wouldn’t that be a thing!?  If we were not always thinking things were going to go this way or that way, but that we were just in the flow of life and we could just accept what was occurring as being exactly what was supposed to happen...how serene might we be then?

I am not sure I will ever know, but I can tell you that I do have moments, a lot of them actually, where I do not wish for things to be other than how they are. I do not think I am being blocked or waylaid, I am just in acceptance that things are occurring in some sort of Divine order, and I am only going to get the information I need to move forward on a need to know basis.

I think I do better with the obstacles in my path. I take note, I take heed, I see the blockage and I see the opportunity for change and an altered course.  However, interruptions are a lot harder for me.  I have this very arrogant tendency to think that what I am doing in the moment should be allowed to continue without interruption.  And I tend to get quite irritated when I am derailed.  Angry even.

I am going to have to spend some time mulling this over.  I am not sure why, I am not sure how, I am not sure exactly why I got to be this way but I am sure it has a lot to do with my giant amounts of self will.  I mean, I have an overabundance.  Always have, likely always will.  So it is very hard for me to be rerouted or stalled when I am on one...my natural and habitual response is to be upset and pissed.

But lately, I am doing my best to reimagine what this is for me.  Each time I am interrupted it could be a time where I marry up my will to Divine will and be peaceful.  I am not being delayed so much as I am being cared for.  Perhaps all those interruptions are universal will telling me to slow down, take a break, stop charging so fucking hard all the time.  Perhaps the obstacles AND the interruptions are the insertion of Divinity into our mundane little lives...and we are so focused on ourselves that we fail to see that we have just been touched, lifted, saved from the plodding, boring existence that is humanity sometimes.

Too far a stretch?

Maybe, but it is landing for me.  I am tending to reframe the interruptions as being Divinely inspired and the obstacles as well.  I mean lately I have had some doozies!  Dad dying, pretty fucking derailing.  Getting fired for no reason whatsoever by a long time, so called friend?  That one took a fucking minute to assimilate!  Having a physical limitation that is effecting my ability to grind per usual?  Also something I have had a hard time accepting...I am one who tends to resent limits of any kind...but I am learning...slowly.

I know that all the other times in my life where I was summarily and suddenly stopped from the forward progress I thought I was making, were turning points in my life.  I thought I would zig and the universe required a zag, and in so doing I was delivered to a much more wonderful experience with life.  It never comes without pain and loss and sadness, but I have come to know that the long walk, is part of the gift of change.  The time it takes me to alter course is part of the journey to be enjoyed, explored and lived.  It isn’t all destinations and well planned routes. In fact, some of the best times in my life have happened when I have been completely fucking lost...like now.  Haven’t a fucking clue what I am doing, what I can do, what will come next, how I will manage, what I am supposed to be doing.

Right now, I think, because this is what is happening, I am supposed to be taking care of myself and resting, I am supposed to be helping my mom attend to things that need to be done in the wake of my dad’s passing, I am supposed to just sit still and do my best to not injure myself further in all the ways.  Not easy some days.  I tend to want resolution, a clear path forward and insight.  But I am learning that those things come in their own time and me tapping my foot, demanding they come sooner, doesn’t really hasten their arrival...ever.

So the obstacles and interruptions are just part of this whole deal.  And they have their merit and I am seeing that now.  And with that insight comes a renewed willingness to enjoy the obstacles and the interruptions.  They are not my undoing as I so often fear, but part of my becoming...

Again, still...