Orbiting...

It is a new dating term.  There are like a million of them.  I have decided I am going dedicate a blog post to each.  Orbiting got first billing because, well, I am kind of orbiting in my life right now.  Not men, but just really feel the full weight of the earth’s gravity and pull, so orbiting seems like a good place to start...

So in the dating world, “orbiting” refers to someone engaging in minimal, non-committal interaction with another person, primarily through social media or online platforms. This can include liking someone's posts, viewing their stories, or occasionally reaching out without a real intention to develop a relationship. It's a way to maintain a connection without fully investing, creating a false sense of engagement.

I swear social media is going to be the literal death of all intimacy...

This happens a lot.  Someone leaves your life or was never really there to begin with but they tend to still orbit around you checking in on you in a distant but present way.  They are not present but they aren’t really gone either.

I myself have no idea who reads my shit or sees my posts because I lack the ability to think about anything long enough to go and actually check.  I am add’ing my life away over here so I have no ability to follow through with who might be orbiting me.  I can assure you, I orbit no one.  I just do not have the bandwidth or level of concern if you aren’t in my life, you are really out of my life.

But I know that isn’t most people.  My children, friends and acquaintances seem to know who is looking at their social media shit and are consummately aware of who is out there and who is not.  I live in a narrow oblivion where I have no idea and I am sure I might be horrified if I actually took the time to know.

And I guess that is my point in this particular blog...orbiting is only a thing because people check who is watching them or their posts.  If you don’t check, you don’t know, so therefore can’t really be orbited.  I mean, can you be something that you aren’t aware is happening??

For me, and this is just me, if you are liking my stuff, thank you!  I try to reply and like as the case may be, if I put something out there that is worthwhile.  But most of the time, most especially this blog, I just post it and move on with my life.  If you have dated me, want to date me, or are just interested in my life and doings in a "car accident can’t look away kind of way", I hope you find another hobby. My life is not all that interesting and I am not doing anything really all that cool.  I work, I parent, I recover, I write, I gym, I hike and occasionally I date...which leads absolutely nowhere.

So my point is that if you don’t check, you don’t know and if you don’t know it is way easier not to care...

I feel like the distance social media and the internet provides gives us this very believable delusion of connection and so we spend all our time maintaining relationships that are really nothing more than a passing acquaintance.  We just have the ability in today’s world to know a great deal about a great many people...to a very superficial degree.  And when we endeavor to do this with 5, 10, 20 people at a time, like in the dating world, the result is that we have no time to actually date anyone, so orbiting becomes a default position.  I can’t tell you how many times when I was online dating that I would get a message, respond in a timely manner, exchange texts that were banal but decent and then the person is just gone.  Maybe they are gone, gone but maybe they are just orbiting. I have come to believe it is because that other person has to tend to his orbiting flock and there really are only so many hours in the day. But I really don't know...

If we want deeper, more meaningful connections we are gonna have to stop playing the numbers game and go deep with just the one and leave all the other planetary people to spin in their own galaxies and get busy with our own.

For me, out of sight, out of mind unless you are close enough to me to matter a great deal.  Then I am in it with you and we are simpatico.  I tend to match people’s effort, you put the time in with me, you get the time back.  If you don’t, then I am likely just not interested.  And that isn’t a reflection on you or your worth, often it is indicative of my over involvement with self or just perpetuating my addiction to being busy...

I feel like we are all settling for so much less in relationships and put up with a great deal of crap because it is easy and doesn’t ask a lot from us in the beginning.  We don’t see how far into a situationship we are gonna go...as someone I once loved very much said, “it always looks good in the beginning...”

For me, I have to slow down my life to fit into a human scale existence, be present and be willing to be vulnerable.  To put the time in to really get to know someone and I can’t do that with 42 of the latest tinder matches.  No one can.  The numbers game only works when you are interested in quantity over quality.

So orbit your life away if you must, but wouldn’t you rather read a book, or call a friend or go for a walk or pet your dog?  I mean really, why would you put any interest at all into someone who you care so little about?  And if you are the one being orbited, doesn’t it say a lot about you if you are checking up on the person who is orbiting you?  I am pretty sure you checking up on someone who doesn’t really care about you but is still vaguely present in your life on the very periphery is even worse than the person orbiting you.

Who the fuck cares?????

I don’t.  Read me, orbit me or don’t.  I am here living my best life all the same.  If you want me to pay attention to you, pay attention to me.  Darling, if you want me to get closer to you, then get closer to me...pretty sure those words have been around since the 1970s.  1976 to be exact.  Thanks Seals & Croft!  Maybe you need to remake that song, people in 2025 might need a refresher course on how to do intimacy.  I will be the first to sign up.  I swear, I need all the help I can get!

Again...still.