I am agitated this morning. I made the mistake of reading the New York Times before I wrote. It was all about the election. I am trying to limit my intake of all of that because it is upsetting. I already voted so I have really done what I can do...
But, not for the first time, reporters have asked Trump whether or not he will participate in a peaceful transfer of power if he loses...
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
My head exploded! Save the Revolutionary War, I am pretty sure our nation, even during the Civil War, has based itself upon the peaceful transfer of power, it is, in fact, what separates us as a democracy. For me, there is no other kind of transfer of power...
But apparently, we are not there. We have moved as a country to where the leader of the free world can not even intimate, but outright say, that he might not lose gracefully and there might be bloodshed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
What is going on?
What happened to us as a country?
Why aren’t we storming the White House and arresting him?
I am appalled. I am scared. I am terrified of what November will bring.
For our Nation’s history, we have elected a new leader every four years. There is always lying and deceit, it is politics after all...and there is trickery and I am sure more than one election has been stolen...I can think of one I know of for sure! And that is also appalling. But here we are in 2020, the shitshow year of the century, where everything and everyone is uncertain and afraid of dying on a daily basis and the purportedly leader is threatening that if he loses that he will not go quietly...
I do not have words. I am embarrassed. I am horrified. I am terrified.
Perhaps the erosion has been happening all along and I was just not paying attention. Perhaps we have been headed here for a very long time and because I hate politics, I have done myself, and perhaps the system, a great disservice by sticking my head in the sand. I vote. Every year and every time. Other than that, I try to live a reasonably prudent life. I try to be a good person. I fail everyday. But I continue to try to live a moral, decent and principled life. And until this morning I really thought that was the goal of life. To do better today that which you messed up yesterday. To evaluate one’s own conduct by some set of moral principles...and really those principles are the same regardless of what you believe and who you worship...
Don’t lie
Don’t cheat
Don’t kill people
Take responsibility
Forgive
Trust
Believe in something greater than yourself
But here we are with the highest elected official in the land, openly and unapologetically threatening all of us that he might not go quietly and without ado. He is telling us that he is going to create a shitshow, just like he told us he was going to fuck with the post office, just like he has fucked with people’s right to vote and their ability to access the polls. While it is being reported that affluent, mostly white districts have like 46 voting locals, poor, mostly minority locals have 1. People are being forced to chose with earning a day's wage or voting...can they really wait in line to cast their ballot for 6 hours or should they go to work and be able to pay the rent?
How are we here?
Why are we standing for this?
Why are we allowing this to happen?
He has told us that he is going to do whatever he can to remain in power. Our democracy is gone...perhaps forever. And it doesn’t even seem like we are all that upset about it. The Times is just reporting this like it is fact. We are just accepting it like it is fact. Our entire governmental system is hanging in the balance and we are still complaining about wearing masks.
I am so upset right now. I can’t even describe how I feel. So I will go back to what I know...
I do not feel heard.
I do not feel cared for
I do not feel safe.
I feel like the country that I have lived the majority of my life is suddenly up for grabs and has been taken over and we have all just let it happen and now seem almost apathetic about it, like it is a foregone conclusion.
I feel like I am in Terminator 1 where Sarah Connor is just living her life and all of a sudden, she is targeted for extermination. Kyle is trying to save her and tell her that in the future bad shit is going down...but she doesn’t believe him...at first. I am there with her, I feel utter and complete disbelief that we are allowing the leader of the free world to say that perhaps there won’t be a peaceful transfer of power...I feel like everything I have come to know, believe and rely upon is being shaken to its core and I am completely baffled as to how this happening and why we are letting it.
I do not know what to do except vote then pray that like so many other things he is just full of hot air. But I have seen him lie, I have seen him cheat, I have seen him fail to take responsibility.
What is more terrifying still is how many people believe he is good. People that I care about and love. They are duped. They do not see what is going on because he speaks and bangs the drum of self interest and dishonesty on the most fundamental level...with himself. And I can see how several of the people I know who support him do the same exact thing. They do not see anything wrong with what he does, because they do it also. They are not capable of being honest with themselves and are mostly looking out for them. I won’t generalize this because I do not know for sure but the followers are not far off from their leader...so it appears to me.
So what to do?
The only thing that I know to do is to overlay spiritual principles in the face of terror, bewilderment, frustration and despair. I have to go within and find all the places those things live in my own heart and soul and do the inner work to eradicate them. I have to begin here because this is where it all starts for everyone, inside the confines of our bodies, our minds and our souls.
I will pray for us, all of us...even him. God, or whatever benevolence you believe in, help us one and all.
