Riley...

I don’t know if you have ever had the blessing to get a bonus kid.  Someone else’s child that comes into your life and just makes it better.  That would be Riley for me.  He arrived a couple of years ago, 17 years old, working, graduated from high school but in need of a safe harbor. 

When my daughter asked if her friend Riley could move in, I was a bit reluctant.  I was at the stage of life where I was kinda looking forward to kids leaving, not coming.  But after I met him, I was on board.

That was over two years ago, hell maybe three.  Time loses all its tethers as you age.  I mean, you are reminded of the time passing daily when you look in the mirror, but otherwise, it is hard to know whether it has been six month or ten years....

Anyway, so this 17 year old kid moves in with us and today he moves out into his own place.  And I am so very sad.  I mean, I am happy for him, he works hard and deserves to have his own bathroom, a luxury none of us have at our house!  But I am going to miss him living here so much!

There are not many people who just land in your life, move into your house and create a completely positive experience.  But Riley did.  He has always been helpful, respectful, kind, always willing to help me with whatever stupid shit I need help with...and now he is flying the coop.  And I am filled with mixed feelings and a lot of sadness.

Sometimes in life, you say yes to something that you are completely unsure of whether it is the most codependent thing ever, or a great act of kindness.  And sometimes, if you are really lucky, you get someone like Riley to come into your life...

So today, as he moves out and into his own, I am filled with a gut punching sadness.  I know he is just moving a few miles away. I know that we will stay in each other’s lives.  I know that this is not the end, but a transition in our relationship.  When I say he is my bonus son, I mean that, the fact that he no longer lives here is immaterial.   Children do not stop being your children, a part of your heart, just because they move out and onward.  And Riley will be no different.

If you would have asked me back then if Riley moving in was a good idea, I would have said no.  And I would have been so fucking wrong.  He has been all positive.  All good.  This kid that I barely knew has changed my life and the lives of my daughter and mom.  He is just one of the best people I know and today as he moves out and on, I am overcome with hope for him and a feeling of loss that I cannot quite shake...

Riley, you have changed all of our lives for the better and I pray that we have given you some fraction of that back.  You are my kid, even though you have your own mom, who loves you and adores you.  This is not the end, I mean unless you want it to be, you may be moving out thinking “fuck, I am so glad to get out of that insane asylum!”  But I don’t think you feel that way.  My house is your house, I want you to always feel like you can come to me, to this place, and we will always be there for you.  I love you, kid!  So fucking much.  And I am always going to be your cheerleader and sounding board if you want me.  I am so grateful you came into our lives and I want you to know that this, at least for me, is not the end, just a new beginning.  I love you, I support you and I will always be here for you.  I know that this is a hard transition, but know that no matter what, you are forever my bonus son, unless you decide you no longer want to be!

Good luck at your new place, stop by often and know that I love you, my unexpected bonus son!

Forever.