Rivers that Change Lives...

Have you ever had a body of water that changed you?  Like carved out your insides and rearranged you?  I highly recommend...

But also, in my experience, it isn’t something you can schedule or plan.  It just happens.

I have had a love affair with the Colorado River since 2001.  My dad and I rafted it in May of 2001 and by October of 2001, I lived in Arizona.  I went back to my lovely home and life on Capitol Hill, DC and saw that the way I was living was not really living.  And so, I decided to walk away from the law practice it took me six years to build, the 100 year old brownstone that I loved, the BMW convertible that I wanted for the better part of two decades.  Everything that I wanted and achieved became something that I then wanted to rid myself of...and so I did.

I closed the practice.  I sold the home and car.  I bought a Pathfinder (pretty aptly named since I was adrift and searching for a path forward in my life) and I moved to the middle of nowhere on the Navajo reservation...for two years.

I bought a little ranch, also in the middle of nowhere New Mexico.  And I spent the next two years trying to be of service to the Navajo Nation and learning to be alone.  I spent a lot of time with my dogs hiking the backwoods of areas that no one really went to.  I did a lot of reading.  I did a lot of yoga.  I did a lot of meditating.  I did a lot of writing.

I went back the next year and rafted the Colorado again.  It had an effect, but I did not change my whole life again.  But I was able to identify a peace that comes over me on that river.  A part of my soul that settles down and is calmer, more, fuck, I am not even really sure what I am.  I am just different.  And I like it.

I have been wanting to come to Horseshoe Bend for the longest time.  Years.  I tried to get my daughter to make this trek with me a couple of times, but she is not one who loves the desert quite like I do.  But I finally made it here.  And I thought, that I would do the hike out to it and take a few photos with several hundred of my closest strangers and that would be that.  As I looked down on the river, it called to me, I could almost see it waiving at me, beckoning me back.

Being one who does her best to pick out of the way places to stay, we avoided the hellhole that is Page, Arizona and found accommodations in Marble Canyon, which, coincidentally, is very close to Lees Ferry which is where you put in to raft the Grand Canyon...and also where you catch a water taxi up to Glen Canyon Dam to then paddle your way back to Lees Ferry.  As soon as I saw it, I knew I had to do it.

My mom, who is not an outdoorsy person, had no interest in getting down onto that river. But she was supportive that I do it.  So a few google searches later, I was booked for my trip.  I had none of the stuff I should have had for an all day water trip, but I thought, fuck it, if I have water, sunscreen and some snacks, I will be ok!  And I was.

I spent the whole day on the river.  It was again life altering.  But much like that first time, I didn’t know exactly how immediately .  And I can feel this time having a similar effect...I don’t know how I have been changed, I just know a change is underway.

I didn’t intend to fall in love with a river.  I didn’t intend to change my life.  It just happened...again.

I hiked up Waterhole Canyon, another slot canyon, (for those who care, a slot canyon is any canyon that is taller than it is wide) and marveled at what time, sand, wind and water can and will do.  A quick two mile hike that reminded me of all the side hikes I did when I was rafting the Grand Canyon...

Mostly I felt super close to my dad yesterday.  I thought how much he would have loved the paddle I did yesterday, although I am sure he would have chosen a kayak over a paddle board.  I like to stand, sitting all day is kind of a drag for me.  So I prefer the versatility of a board, over a kayak...but my dad would have loved it.  And I felt him there with me yesterday.  He was smiling and laughing and just having the best time.  Me too, Dad, me too!

Early on my journey, I was paddling through this amazing canyon and I heard Navajo chanting and drums...I have no idea where it came from, but I heard it.  And it felt like a welcoming back.  A greeting of love and acknowledgment...and affirmation, of what I am not yet sure.

It was an amazing day and quite the way to ring in 31 years of living this miracle one day at a time.  I am humbled and grateful.  I am so very happy to be right here, right now.  I am grateful for the day I spent on the Colorado yesterday.  Like two long lost friends getting reacquainted after a long absence.  It felt life affirming, a gentle nod towards where I go next in this life.  For now, I have no idea where or what that is...but I do know that it is coming.  The Colorado changes me every time. I have no idea why, I am just grateful this is a fact in my life.

Again, still...