Soulmates...

We all seem to love the idea of there just being one person in the world that is meant for us.  But I think, if anything besides democracy is being tested in our world today, the other is monogamy.  The whole idea of two people finding each other and then remaining faithful to each other for the rest of their lives, is becoming almost as ludicrous as the idea that the United States is a bastion of democracy...I find the erosion of fidelity and truth and justice and faith to be equally troubling.

But the idea that there is just one person in this world, that is your perfect match is, I think, over simplified.  And maybe not for the reasons you think...

I have been a number of different people on my journey to the person I am right here, right now.  I believe (you may disagree and that is totally ok) that I have evolved into the best version of me I have ever been, currently.  I feel like the most me I have ever been, my mind is still sharp (totally not what it used to be but I take what I can get), my body is really in the best shape of my life (sure it was firmer and taughter when I was younger but I could literally kick my own prior selves ass right now), spiritually I have evolved into a loving, involved person who has endeavored to own, claim and disarm her more glaring defects (that is a work in progress until I die) and I feel the most comfortable I ever have in my own skin.

So as I have evolved into these varying persons...perhaps there have been differing “soulmates” who have come to pass along my journey.  Perhaps there isn’t just one, but perhaps different ones that join us as we evolve and progress through the many versions of us.

Now, I know there are people out there who find their person early on and lock in and that holds.  I admire, respect and envy those people a great deal.  I have always wanted to be one of those people, but a whole host full of childhood trauma, addiction and some other issues have hinder my ability to partner successfully.  But I have been gifted with some perhaps, not life lasting soulmates, but some amazing men who have loved me and I them along the way.

Perhaps some of us get several soulmates while others of us, just the one.  Perhaps it is written on us as our soul descends into this realm.  Perhaps it is fate.  Perhaps it is just dumb luck. Perhaps we are all fated with the same one person, but then life and all its troubling vagaries interferes and knocks us off course.  I really don’t know.

I do know, for me, I am ready for that just one person.  To just find the person I can curl up next to each night, in an ever evolving intimacy and feel safe while providing that same feeling to him.  That we can stand facing each other and join forces to walk through this last part of life, laughing, loving, and descending into old age’s mad realm.  I am not sure I was ready for just one before, but I feel like I have done the work required and requested of me to be there now.

Perhaps we are all promised a love story, but perhaps some of us get several while others of us just the one.  I will never know what it is like to love the same person every day of my life for 60 years.  I do not have that much time left.  But I do know that I feel the most ready I have ever felt to give all I can to whatever time I have left to whatever soulmate I might be lucky enough to find, hold and love.

It is human nature to want all that we don’t have.  I’m not insisting on finding just one forever, but it is what I would really like.  Someone that feels like safety and home. Someone who wants to build a life together and share in whatever comes.  Perhaps the idea of soulmates is all wrong. Perhaps what we are really given is life mates.  People who walk with us on different parts of our journey.  Some of us are just lucky enough that one person occupies varying roles for the whole of our lives. While the rest of us, are blessed with the right person at the right time to grow us up in the ways needed most.

I am not sure.  None of us know what fate holds for us.  I just know, for me, I am grateful for the men who have walked with me thus far in life.  I have learned so many things from them.  Some of the things, I really wish I didn’t need to know, but I did and do and I can see the wisdom now where I only saw pain and suffering before...and that feels like growth.

We don’t all get just one, perhaps some of us are blessed to get a couple.  A person for each part of our journey toward wholeness.  It is kind of a lovely idea if you think about it. Perhaps the one you end up with is a result of the work you have done on yourself, the work you have done to your own soul.

I think if we are doing this whole living thing right, then we should improve the quality of our relationships as we evolve and grow ourselves into more whole, complete and loving people. Perhaps there is a soulmate for every level of your journey...and perhaps for some people, that person is embodied in just one other person and then for others it needs to be in several different people.

Wherever you find yourself on your journey, there appears to be an ever soul expanding lesson for each of us which is that the better we become the better we attract.  The more wholesome and worthwhile we endeavor to be, perhaps the universe sends us just the right person to stretch us and grow us into whatever form we should take next.  Perhaps it is more about the journey than the destination...

Again...still.