The Intention to Benefit Others...

Someone said this last night at a bonfire and it struck me that I haven’t thought about this as an intention in awhile.  There seems to be this corrosive thread in the world today that is preying upon all our selfish desires and attributes.  And I will admit, I have been thinking about my self more than I should.  

I think my own preoccupation with self as of late, made me particularly receptive to the message at last night’s spiritual gathering.  And it left me wondering, when exactly did forget to do everything I do with the intention to benefit others?

I would love to tell you that I am not sure where that stopped, but I know exactly.  I guess the bigger question is why did that particular event cease my larger intention for humanity and living a peaceful life.  I am not sure...I believe it had something to do with me feeling like my life was spinning out of control and this other person just kept upending my stability and feeling of safety.  I had to think about me, because the me was being eroded by my own participation in that particular relationship.  I stopped praying. I stopped mediating.  I stopped my daily yoga practice.  I was in survival mode so, like a good addict, I took away the things that give me grounding and peace.  I mean, if it is working, then by all means stop doing it when things get tough.

Dumb.  Counter productive.  But it is what I did and tend to do when stressed.  Cut out the things that are good for me.  And focus all my energy and time into the thing that is literally robbing me of my peace, serenity and faith in humanity.  I really wish I wasn’t like this, but I am.  When things get hard, I turn away from the things and people that support me and love me and attempt to figure it all out on my own.  Doesn’t work, never has, but I persist.

So I know when this intention to have everything I do benefit others left, what is a harder question is how do I bring it back?  I feel a resistance to it.  And I am not sure what that is about.  I mean, I do want to benefit others.  All of the others?  Maybe not all of the others...and perhaps that is the problem with my ability and willingness to call up the feeling of equanimity towards my fellow humans.

What I know from my Buddhist practice is that I can start with something or someone I already feel loving kindness towards:  my kids, my parents, my animals and my friends.  Start with people or beings I already feel loving kindness towards and then it is easy to share the intention that everything I do is done with this idea that it will benefit others.

So, if I start with people I already feel that towards, then perhaps, I can grow that circle larger out towards all those people that I really dislike and have no loving or kind feelings towards.  Perhaps this is what the world needs more than anything right now.  A willingness from all of us to seek to benefit everyone, regardless of whether or not we like them, enjoy them or feel a great deal of love towards them.  Start with the people we DO feel that way about and then practice to enlargen the circle...

I am going to work on this.  I am going to do my best to return to my daily practice.  To be still and meditate in order to radiate out all the blessings and loving kindness I can.  I cannot heal the world, but I can continue to work on healing me, and the more work I do on me, the better version the world gets of at least one human being.

So for me today it begins with:

Let me do everything today with the intention that it be of maximum service to God and my fellows.  Let me behave in a way that is loving and kind.  Let me see what I can do to benefit the others that cross my path today.  Save me from being angry and afraid.  May I be well, may you be well, may all the beings I love be well and may all the beings I do not love be well.  And may I seek to understand and give of myself in ways and manners that benefit humanity as a whole.  May we all be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.  And for today, let it begin with me.

Again, still...