The Line...

I heard a podcast the other day, well, actually this morning and it was talking about this line and that at all times we are either above or below the line.  What is on the line? Fear.  And we have certain behaviors that occur above the line and completely different ones when we are below the line.  

Above the line:

If we are above the line and can see fear in our lives and selves, we can see how it is operating, how it is fucking us up, where it is causing issues in our life.  You are able to manage things in your life and fear is not driving because you are aware of its presence, and how it shows up and what to do with it.

Below the line:

This is where fear is operating, perhaps even ruling, and you are not even aware that fear is present.  You are so caught in habitual behaviors, thoughts, feelings that you forget, deny or disassociate from the reality fear is having in your existence.  And it is easy to see when you are below the line...if you are below the line, there are three aspects of personality that become predomniant:  the hero, the victim or the villain. You are no longer driving, you are hog tied in the trunk.

So who are these people you become?

The Hero:

This version of you says things like, “I will do it myself.” Or “ I don’t need your help, I’ve got this,” or “No one else can do this.”

The Victim:

This version of you says things like, “Well, no one else will do it or can do it, so I have to,” or “I am the only one who cares about this, so it is all on me,” or “No one understand what I do for everyone all the time.”

The Villain:

This version of you says things like, “I don’t give a shit, do what I said,” or, “I don’t give a fuck if you don’t like it, do it,” or “I don’t care if everyone hates me, do what I said.”

There are also three behaviors that emerge when you are above the line:  Coaching, co-creating and challenging productively.

Coaching looks like, “I know you worked hard on this, but seems like we need to do a little more work to get there, how can I help?”

Co-creating looks like, “Can we figure this out together?”

Challenging Productively looks like “I am not tracking, you seem sure, how can we get there together?”

No, I did not come up with all of that by myself.  The concepts are taken from a book by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Warner Klemp called “The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership: A New Paradigm for Sustainable Success.”  And was recently made viral by a podcast with Brené Brown and Kara Swisher.

I found it somewhat revolutionary as a tool when reviewing my own behavior at work, at home and just in life generally.  I am always a big fan of easy to access and apply concepts that help take me out of my habitual response.  And where am I?  Above or below the line is super helpful to me and then to know what to do with the answer to that question, life changing.

I cannot change, adjust or even make progress on the things I cannot see or acknowledge in myself.  I think we all have this tendency to focus on outward issues with others, making them responsible for our inner states of being.  But we all know, all too well, that it is always an inside job.  How we show up at work, is more a factor of how we feel about ourselves than it is the people we work with.  Think I am wrong?  I am sure some of you immediately were like, “but what if your boss is an asshole? Or your co-worker is out to get you?”  Well, why the fuck are YOU working there?  Something inside you is tolerating an asshole boss or a sabotaging co-worker. We all have choices.  Lots of them and we can all decide to go elsewhere.  If we chose to remain in situations that cause us to exist below the line, then we are the architects of our own demise.

I am going to work on applying this idea to my life at work, at home, with friends and colleagues.  Where am I?  Am I above?  Or am I below?  And then know that either answer requires further action to keep me steady, operational and moving in a direction I actually want to head.

I am not sure about you but I do NOT enjoy being the hero (ok I maybe like this one a little bit, maybe a lot of bit), the victim or the villain.  But I will play every single one of those roles far too often when left unchecked, left unexamined, left to my own hardwired defaults...sigh.

But this whole conceptual idea makes me think that perhaps using it might help me spend a little more time above the line and that seems like progress and something I want to work on and for.

I am never going to be perfect.  And I think, largely, I have given up the idea that is even a goal.  But I know today that I want to be human, working on myself and moving toward some sort of enlightenment.  It matters not that I get “there” just that I endeavor to move in that direction daily.  I try, I fail, I begin again.  This is living to me.  I will never arrive, but if I am curious, open and engage in the process of learning, I have a shot at becoming a better version of myself with each new day.

I am not forever locked into my own dysfunction.  I am not married to my dissociative ways.  I am not stuck, unless I decide to be.  Pausing, hovering is always a stop on the spiritual path, the trick is not to spend too much time there.

So here is to a day that will blessedly be above the line...carefully reviewing fear’s presence in my life and how that manifests within me and then blooms into dysfunctional behavior elsewhere.

Again, still...