I drive a lot on these road trips. I listen to music and take in the sights as they come hurtling past me. I am never sure exactly where I am going, but I am rarely lost. And when I do get lost, it is amazing.
I think I love doing this because my mind can just untether itself from all the things I have to think about in my usual life. My mind gets free and I get to fantasize about all these alternative lives that I am not currently living. It isn’t that I do not enjoy the fuck out of my actual life, I do. But there is something about having a rich fantasy life that levels up my appreciation for life and living in a kind of choose your own adventure kind of way.
It is lovely to think about being a farmer on the hilltops of Skeen’s Creek. Or to own a hotel and grow it into the next Post Ranch Inn. To move to Apollo Bay and just spend the day walking the beach, hand in hand with someone I love. They are not different lives, but lives that could be contained in my own life if I really wanted it badly enough.
I fall in love with places easily. Every time I travel, I find places where I could live the rest of my days. Now, I don’t move there, but let me tell you in my head there are about a million times that I do. My mind will return to a place I visited and resume the life I fantasized about there. I can tell you I have been back to that tiny beach in Northern Ireland - Ballyhornan so many times I have lost count. I have been there single. I have been there married and wildly in love. I have written a great novel on its languid shores.
To me fantasy augments the life you already have by showing you a million variations of life you could have, if you were so inclined. Sometimes fantasy is a good elixir for when your life isn’t going the way you like or planned or want. But mostly, for me, fantasy allows me a break from myself, routine, responsibility and releases me to something that will likely never happen, but in that moment, I have lived it fully. Perhaps an active fantasy life goes hand in hand with an active imagination. I just can’t stop it from happening...my head just makes up stories, words, blogs and, well, fantasies.
I have come to realize that fantasy actually saves me from a great deal of trouble in my life. All the shit that my head concocts, isn’t always a great idea. And as long as it lives within the confines of my mind, there is little to no harm...but if I were not such a storyteller, my life might look more like a shitshow than it does...that should frighten a great number of you. HAHA! Now you are thinking, “I thought she DID a lot of crazy ass shit...it is terrifying to think that she also just THINKS about a lot of other crazy stuff!”
But yes, yes that is true. Fantasy saves me from myself a great deal of the time and helps me to walk myself through things that might be better left alone...living them only in my mind is a good exercise for an impetuous person such as myself.
I suppose some may say that fantasy is for those whose life is lacking, but I disagree. Fantasy can be used for any purpose. To get you out of where you are now and into some place better, or safer, or whatever. The purpose of fantasy is to augment the life you already have. It isn’t to be a replacement for it...and it has its limits. Like anything in this world, having your head in the clouds can often disrupt your ability to live in the real world where you actually have to reside.
I guess the whole deal is that you build a life you want and then have your fantasy life be rich and exciting and reckless and wild, so that your everyday life remains stable, functional and safe.
I will tell you I have lived a thousand alternative lives since I got to Australia a week ago...and while I have loved all my alternative universes created by my never still mind, I will also tell you how absolutely honored I am to live this one life I have, being who I am, doing my best to improve on that and trying to help others along the way. And the rich fantasy life? Well that just makes my enjoyment of the whole deal that much better...
Again...still.
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