The World Will Fill You Up Without You Grasping...

Will it?  Really?  Are you sure?  Like, really, really sure?

Apparently this is so...so sayeth long lines of Buddhist tradition and teaching.

And it has also been my experience...

So why, oh why, do I still grasp when I know, I experience, I live in a manner that supports this premise every single day? What I need always comes for me, not necessarily what I want, but what I need, always comes.

And aren’t we already full?  I mean, I know we often do not think so, but don’t we already really have all we need in this moment? And, why is it so hard to trust that since we are full in this moment, shall we not also most likely be full in the next?

Why exactly do we grasp?

Boredom?

Craving?

Aversion?

Delusion?

A basic, but fundamental inability to live in the moment?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes!

Grasping has gotten me some things though. But upon reflection, they were things that I didn’t really need or want...

I mean I THOUGHT I wanted or needed them in the moment, but as life moved on, I saw quite clearly, that all I pulled to me injured me, hurt me...what might have come if I could have just waited to be filled instead of grasping and clutching this other thing, this harmful thing, that was so beautifully disguised as everything I wanted in that moment?

Well, I am there again. The compulsion to grasp is great right now.  But my orientation to it has changed.  I see that my need, desire, want to fill myself with things that appear, at first blush to scratch the itch of want, but in the end leave me feeling hollowed out and worse for the wear.  I do not need to grasp.  I can just wait for the world to fill me up when it is time.  And coupled with this waiting, is a faith that more will always come, even though the more often comes with absence, loss, grief, pain and sadness...

What might my life look like if I just trusted in every single moment that I am enough right now and all that I might believe I lack shall be provided at some time later?  I shall be full and fulfilled in good time, just not my time.

I practice every day to align my will with universal will.  To ask to be shown: how I should spend my day, who I should help, what might I do, how shall I be of service?  This is not the problem.  The problem is that I then, almost immediately, forget all of that and begin on my crash course of living and deciding and mostly attempting to fill myself with whatever it is my very messed up head tells me I want and/or need.  I could instead, just wait.  Breathe in and out and trust that all that is meant for me shall come and I need not grasp at anything.

Seems like a very tall order.  But I find myself willing to commit to it anyway.  Waiting, pausing, holding, trusting, believing that I am ok in this minute and I shall likely be ok in the next and if I am not ok, that is a temporary situation that shall resolve itself in due time...

Again, still...