To the Woman Who Was Just Raped...

It will get better.

YOU will get better.

But you are not the same...

You will never, ever be the same.

You are now something else.

And you will spend a long time in this elsewhere place.

The life you had, taken.  Gone.

The life you have now. Hard. Unyielding.  Painful. Crushing.

You are going to have to walk through fire.

And pain.

And degradation.

And loss.

And heartbreak.

And humiliation.

But those are just gates...

They are NOT your forever.

They are NOT your new life.

They are NOT your whole existence.

Soon, those things will become his.

You will shed them like antlers in the winter.

Having no use for them anymore.

You will grow new ones, better ones.

And the loss and tragedy will fall behind as well.

You were not selected because you were bad, or wrong, or too pretty or too ugly.

You were convenient.

Woman have always been targeted because of their proximity to men with no morals.

To men who see others as something for them to take, possess, and degrade.

You were simply there and that is all the why of it.

If it hadn’t been you, it would have been some other woman.

That is the saddest truth of our existence...that there is always one more of us up for grabs.

No matter what we do

How we dress

Who we sleep with or don’t.

How much we drink, or don’t.

Men have and will always take...until the tide turns and we find a way to teach them that woman are NOT for the taking.

We are beings of our own right.

We are people.

We have needs and wants and desires of our own.

And we should not have to pay with our flesh and psyches and bodies because men are fucked up and can take what they want.

We should not have to pay

We should not have to pay

We should not have to pay

You should not have had to pay...

But you did.

And I am so very sorry for that.

If I knew you, I would just sit beside you. 

Hold you if you could allow the touch.

And if you couldn’t, I would understand.

I would just sit with you.

My presence testament to your worth.  

Your being.

Your right to have some other future.

This trauma is yours now.

Perpetuated upon you.

Indelibly etched onto your skin, body and soul.

Forever.

It isn’t fair and there will likely be no justice for the men that took your previous life from you.

I am sorry, but someone should tell you this now.

Before you have your life further ruined by outdated beliefs about justice and fairness and what is right.

We somehow always become the target. 

Our conduct.

Our clothes.

Who we slept with before.

The kind of consensual sex we liked.

Our drinking.

Our drugging.

Our behavior.

Our character.

This is our society, sadly.

The behavior of one woman shall take center stage thereby obviating the real discussion of the men’s behavior that is and will always be repugnant, salacious, and malignant.

Men control the narrative.

And all the women who cowtow to men and their predilections.

But they are ignorant.

They will take the public narrative of that you can be sure.

They will talk of you and you and you and you.

FUCK THEM ALL.

You hold your head up high above the fray of stupid people with stupid ideas and rhetoric.

You didn’t deserve what happened to you.

You were not at fault no matter how much the media might, in the future, suggest you were.

You are the survivor.

Do not let their narrative become yours.

Take the time you need to heal.

Be absolutely forthright in your needs and wants

Get comfortable being angry because you are going to be angry.

Rage will be part of it.

A strong desire to retaliate shall accompany that rage which will be confusing and consuming.

It will render you lifeless for a time.

This too is part of the process.

You will not want to live anymore.

You will not know how to live anymore.

You will not see the point.

You will not see a way through.

You will want to shelve all of this and pretend some other reality exists for you.

It, sadly, does not.

This is your reality.

And I am so very sorry.

You didn’t deserve this and you don’t deserve all the fucked up shit that is coming for you either.

I wish I could tell you how this will go.

How you will be on the other side.

How you will heal.

How your life will be better someday.

But I can’t.

I can only say that I see you.

And I am here, available to you, for you.

If you need anyone who understands, I do.

I am here to represent there is healing.

There is another life for you.

There is life that is worth living on the other side of this current horror.

I know, because I have been there.

I have walked through familiar fires.

I have had to heal that which should never have been inflicted.

I have had to reach deep within the confines of my soul and find something within the torrent of self hate, denigration and pain to think worth saving.

I can’t fix this for you.

But I can stand beside you as you figure it out for yourself.

I can sit quietly next to you while you take the next intrepid step.

I can.

I will.

I am here.

I see you in all your beautiful glory.

You are not what happened to you.

But you are going to have to find a place to live with it.

Not today, that kind of healing is for another day.

Today it is about sleep, and rest and safety.

It is about a shower.

It is about clean clothes and some comforting food.

It is about allowing those who love you to love you.

It is about doing what YOU need to do...

And allowing everyone else to take a backseat to what you need and want.

I am sorry this happened to you.

You didn’t deserve it.

Do not believe the things they say.

You are worthy.

You are whole, despite the glaring blows, you have survived.

You can find yourself again.

I hope you do.

I pray you do.

I am here if you want company.

I have been there.

I know the way through and out.

I know the path to another life.

A life where you are safe, loved and sheltered.

I also know that first you must become that for yourself 

While everyone else clamors about you telling lies, making conjectures truth.

Do not believe them.

Do NOT believe them.

Do not BELIEVE them.

Do not believe THEM!

Believe you.

Trust you.

Heal you.

Fuck them.

I know.

Me too!

Me too! 

Me too!

Which is cold comfort now, but may bring comfort later on.

Right now your pain, loss and grief is so big...

But sometimes allowing others to shoulder it with you eases your suffering.

And sometimes it makes it worse.

I trust you to know what you need.

What you want.

It might be murky and distant.

But never stop swimming for the shore of your salvation.

It is yours.

And no matter what they do to your body, they can never alter your soul.

Unless you let them...

And it might require some support to not let them...

I know, me too...

Know that I pray for you.

I see you.

I will not believe their narratives.

I will not condemn you for their conduct.

I support you, no matter what.

Again, still...

until the day comes when woman are no longer there for the taking...

until then.

and even after.