Ok, so there won’t be bells I don’t think...I am told maybe chimes. Wedding chimes.
Today one of my tribal sisters gets married. It seems to be a trend...this is the third tribal wedding in as many years.
It is interesting to be in a position to watch your friends grow up. I mean we were not friends when we were actually growing up, but we found each other in our middle life second adolescence and we have weathered some shit together. Divorce, mental health issues (our own and others), alcoholism (our own and others), death, career changes, loss, sex, health scares, persistent issues, children (our own and others), heartbreak, love, lust, fear, financial swings. It has been an interesting six years.
Today my friend marries her best friend. That is what she calls the man she marries today. I respect that she has always said that she wants to be married. She knowing that about herself so completely. She is a committer. A lover. A hold on tight kind of woman. I am not. I am a runner. A leaver. A don’t touch me kind of person. I have learned a lot from her on many levels. But this one where she knew that she is happiest married, has been a great lesson for me.
When she first said that I thought, “Wow, she knows that about herself!? And she is willing to admit that??” And I also thought, “wow, I can’t relate.” We have fundamentally different perspectives on this topic. She knowing that being in love and committed to someone brings out her best self. Me, on the other hand, not so much.
Over the last six years, I have watched love command this woman and I have watched love pass her by. And today, I will watch her say I do to a man that she loves and that loves her back. I have watched her love for this man change her. Soften her in ways that were hard and wonderful at the same time. I have watched her fear the loss of him and I have watched her fight to keep going. I have watched them both turn toward the other and say, “you are my person and I am going to stay right here and love you no matter what.”
Today they make a rest of their lives commitment to each other. Her knowing that she is bringing the most evolved and complete version of herself that there has ever been. I know, I have watched, supported, loved and cried with her along the way.
She is a beautiful woman worthy of such a man saying I do to her. I respect their love and commitment to each other and I will cry tears of pure joy today because I am moved by their passion, love and dedication to each other. Well, also because I cry at every wedding.
I will raise my glass tonight and toast the happy couple and I will watch knowing that they both have worked so very hard to make it to this day. They knowing that love is worth fighting for, working through, loving even when fear commands and walking away would be so much easier. Their love while almost instantaneous in its inception, has been a journey that has deepened over time. And I have had a ringside seat watching them grow, love, change and commit again and again to each other and their future together.
Shortly, they will begin their new life in Idaho. I will miss them being close and hope to visit soon. I am excited for them and know that their move forward is blessed on every level.
CR you are a badass in every sense of the word and I am so happy to be here with you today. I love you. I am happy for you. I am grateful for all the years of laughter, tears and everything in between. I so respect and admire your commitment and dedication to this love, this man. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness, joy, respect for each other and a never lagging commitment to always and forever turn toward each other with love and honor.
Today, as I watch you walk towards your future husband, I see a beautiful life in that walk. One that has been grown out of some very hard things. And I am awed by your grit, your determination and your grace.
May you and KC have every happiness. The best advice I have ever received was before my own wedding. It was this: “There will be many times in marriage where your heart will harden towards your spouse, the instruction is to soften it immediately.”
My prayer for you:
May you vow to bear witness to the wholeness of life, realizing the completeness of each and every thing. Embracing your differences, you shall know yourself as him, and him as yourself. May you serve each other for all your days, here, there, and everywhere. Vow to open yourselves to the abundance of life. Freely giving and receiving. Care for each other, for the trees and stars, as treasures of your very own. May you be grateful for all your days, here, there, and everywhere. Vow to forgive all hurt, caused by yourselves and others, and to never condone hurtful ways. Being responsible for your actions, free yourselves. May you be kind for all your days, here, there, and everywhere. Vow to remember that all that appears will disappear. In the midst of uncertainty, sow love. Here! Now! May you live The Great Peace that we all are. May you have no fear for all your days, here, there, and everywhere.
Best of all good things CR and KC!