Box Checking...

Well, the book is officially to my editor.  31 years of hand wringing, brought to a close.  Sigh.  I feel mostly positive about it.  After I sent it to her, I put the manuscript in Chatgpt just for fun.  We will see whether or not my robot editor and my human editor have the same commentary...for now, I just need to let it be.

But, this is more than just a boxed checked.  Sometimes it takes over three decades to bring something out into the light that you have kept hidden in the dark...and sometimes, once you do, it feels like more than just checking a box.

It feels like growth.

It feels like joy.

It feels like hope.

It feels like some sort of passage to a place you have never been before.

It feels like healing.

It feels like fears confronted and put to bed, for the moment anyway.

It feels like courage in action.

It feels like trust in the divine order of things.

It feels like accomplishment.

It feels like belief in yourself.

It feels like something that weighed on you for your whole life has been lifted...

And it also, at the very same time, can feel like a box was checked, if you don’t stop to take a moment to really appreciate what you just did...

And for me, I just did something I have been working on for so long but was so afraid to release into the world.  Now, I feel the weightlessness of the free fall. Like I just stepped out of the plane and now fall towards earth, groundedness and whatever comes next...

And that feels good, for the most part.  I mean I have never wanted to sky dive...but this is what I imagine those first couple moments feel like when you relax into the free fall.

I like checking boxes, but you know, I like this feeling of the accomplishment and the unfinishedness of everything. More is to come; yes, I put it out there, but now comes the harder part of refining it, reworking it and making it the very best it can be.  Then comes the terror of actually letting you read it...

But that is a box to check for another day...

Again, still...