Can I Have Nothing Again Today?

Ok, I have been sitting in bed for 30 minutes trying to be inspired with a topic.  I have searched all of Instagram and I still have nothing.  Seems like I had nothing last week and now, it is coming around for week two of nothing’s cameo appearance in my life...

Sigh.

I am having amazing kitten snuggles though, so there’s that.  Apparently cats really love it when you are completely uninspired.  Better laps, nothing going on, two free hands to pet them with...

I am struggling with all the life I have right now.  I am not sure what to do with myself.  And while I should be able to come up with a lot of shit to do, think, say, write, I am not, at least currently.

I am tired.  A lot.  Not sure what that is about.  I am also not sure what I want to do with myself.  I mean, we all have limits, financial, health constraints that require us to not go boldly where we have gone before.

I mean if I can do whatever I want today, what do I even want to do?

It is a big question.  And I am foundering...

This is where routine comes in for the save.  Thank God for the animals, exercise and promises of service to others.  Otherwise, I would just be here in my house twisting.

I am also grateful for this time, even as I complain about it.  I know this is a gift.  This time to just be present and live.  The slower pace is needed now and I am incredibly grateful that I have the time I have to just heal and rest and live my life.  I think it is departure from all the busy that is fucking me up so much.  I used to be so busy all the time, there was never enough time and I realize now that was a very good excuse for never getting to the things I said I wanted to get to...but now, I have no excuses and I am faced with my own lack of integrity regarding all the shit I kept saying that I wanted to do once I had the time.  Well, here I am with the time and here I am procrastinating about doing any of said things.

While this time might not be the most inspired time I have lived within, it is good nevertheless.  I see that.  I see the benefit of being home, still, relatively sane.  Right now, for instance, I am watching the cats do their morning parkour routine.  Seamus just lept from the doorway all the way to the other side of my bed.  Earning him the top score this morning with an 8.9.  I mean, who else would judge the cat parkour competition every morning if it wasn’t for me? The cats have alliances that would disqualify them from judging impartially.

So I write this drivel, score the parkour and know that soon it will be time to rise and shine. Or rise and radiate or perhaps on this grey cold morning, I can just muster up a dim hue.  (Side note, Seamus just came back on a second attempt on the doorway/bed challenge.  However, his score on this second attempt was only a 6.5 - he has decided he will keep his first score, although he seems to be saying as he walks out of my bedroom that he reserves the right to make that illusive third attempt at some later time today...or take a nap. He isn’t sure.  I told him napping isn’t scored, although I am rethinking that...now he Is bathing before breakfast which he just let me know is late...

Anyway, this is what I have today.

You can decide if it is nothing or something.

Again, still...

Seamus just after the 6.5 land...