COVID Coma...

Well, here it is Thursday and I barely remember the week.  I got back late Friday night from East Coast travel.  All was well.  I felt fine, a little tired but that is always how it is when shifting time zones.  Saturday was good, productive, unpacked and got everything sorted.  Sunday started off great.  Woke early, had a relaxing Sunday morning, went to my usual meeting, grocery shopping and then whammo, I went down for the count.

As I was putting away groceries, I remember feeling tired.  Like first trimester pregnancy kind of tired.  I remember thinking, “It must just be jet lag...” So I went to take a nap about noon Sunday.  And that is kind of the last thing I remember until late Tuesday.

I woke up Sunday evening for a minute, enough to register that my throat hurt, badly and I was burning up.  My head was killing me and I had no energy at all.  That is all I remember until sometime on Monday afternoon when my daughter came in to check on me.  “Mom, you have been asleep for two days, what is the matter with you?”  I told her, “I just feel horrible and I can’t stay awake, my throat and head are killing me, I have a fever.”  She responded, “Mom, you have COVID!”

As soon as she said it I knew she was right.  I got a test and sure enough, COVID for the fourth time.  Which really pisses me off since I got the fucking vaccinations.  What is the point if you continue to get it and it fucking levels you?

So I have basically been asleep since Sunday.  Monday is a complete blur, Tuesday a little more clear, Wednesday I think I spent more hours awake than I did asleep so that is progress.  Today, I feel weak and feeble but no more fever and my throat doesn’t hurt anymore.  I will take it.

I am not sure why the universe felt like I needed a four day nap but I guess I should not argue with the universe.  Today, I am just grateful I am feeling better, my head and throat stopped hurting and I am conscious.

I remember being comatose with COVID the first time around.  I was just in this weird dream state for like a week.  Praying to live and die at the same time.  This last time wasn’t that bad.  Nothing I have ever experienced has been that bad.  It was brutal and long lasting.  I was so out of it this time that I didn’t even realize until three days into it that I couldn’t taste anything.

I have now heard that COVID numbers are on the rise again, that there is an uptick in cases.  I guess I can now be counted in those numbers.  Four times?? Really?!  Seems excessive for one person but perhaps there are others who have had it worse and more often?  God, I hope not.

I don’t do still or down well.  It depresses me, so I avoid illness like the plague.  But this week, I just had to accept it and allow it to take Sunday, then Monday, then Tuesday and Wednesday.  Today feels like I might just get some work done balanced with some rest and probably a nap.  And a shower.  My hair currently rivals Medusa.  (I promise a photo of this shit will be forthcoming.  I am a strong believer if I will post photos of me looking my best, it is only fair to post a few of me, well, looking like a swamp witch.  Sorry in advance).

I hope everyone stays healthy and avoids the current escalation in COVID numbers.  COVID certainly isn’t what it used to be, but it is still here and packs a pretty good wallop.  And I will be so bold as to say that I am fucking sick of it and its recurrence and how much it fucks up your life and everyone else you have contact with.  I saw my mom on Saturday and risked exposing her.  I did not go see my dad, thankfully, because then I would have exposed an entire memory care facility of people who have enough going on to not add a COVID crisis to the mix.

I guess the one good thing I can say about COVID is that it makes me see how interrelated we all are with each other.  You see the threads of connection, no matter how tenuous, because we are all connected in this life.  And there is nothing like a good case of COVID to help you see how very much involved in this life you really are.  How many people you have contact with, how many people your life influences and alters everyday.  And how many lives impact yours.

And this feels like a good reminder for me.  The weirder society gets, the more I want to retreat.  But even in a relative state of withdrawal, I am still connected to the masses and my life is impacted, quite drastically by the things you do or don’t do.  And vice versa.  Which gives me hope and also makes me feel quite desperately sad.

May we all find shelter in the kindness and humanity in each other.  And may we all do our best to keep our COVID and other germs to ourselves.   I will stay home until I test negative so that I don’t give anyone else a Sunday to Wednesday COVID coma.  

Stay well out there!