Emotional Elegance...

Someone said this yesterday and it just struck me as a beautiful idea.  To be emotionally elegant.  Can I do it?  Honestly I have never tried...until now.  

That is not to say that I intend to act like an emotional asshole for all the times before, but when she said this, I thought, “what a beautiful thing to aspire to be...”

We talk about emotional balance and boundaries and stuff like that.  But I know, I have never tried to be emotionally elegant.  I am not even sure what that looks like..but I like the way it lands in my spirit.

Emotional elegance is the ability to manage emotions with composure, kindness, and maturity, transforming how we respond to adversity and interact with others. It is characterized by self-awareness, authentic boundaries, and maintaining calm under pressure, representing a shift from reactive behavior to thoughtful presence.

Key elements of emotional elegance include:

Self-Control & Calmness: Maintaining composure in stressful situations rather than reacting immediately.

Authentic Boundaries: Communicating with honesty and compassion while respecting your own needs without guilt.

Active Self-Care: Nurturing mental and physical health by being mindful of what you consume (content, information) and how you treat your body.

Responsibility: Owning your emotions and reactions rather than blaming others, which reduces anxiety, anger, and guilt.

Graceful Interaction: Approaching situations with warmth and a soft approach, making others feel seen and valued.

Cultivating Emotional Elegance:

This trait is not about perfection, but rather about being real, grounded, and secure in your own worth. It involves:

Mastering the Apology: Taking ownership of mistakes to show maturity.

Mindfulness: Practicing meditation and cognitive techniques to manage destructive emotions.

Discretion: Remaining quiet or indifferent to pettiness, refusing to allow external negativity to disturb your peace. (AI search on term).

After reading all of that, I am like, “yeah, I do this already...I mean that is the goal of my everyday...”

But then I think of all the times I am not elegant emotionally.  All the times I am reactive and upset and immature.  I mean, I think I hold my own in my emotional elegance for the most part but then there are those glaring times when I am so not emotionally elegant.

I think I exercise pretty good self control but my boundary holding can use some work.  A life long practice of being super codependent doesn’t just go away without a lot of work.  Which also is a tell on the authentic boundaries portion as well.  I have a hard time with boundaries...not yours, those I respect pretty well...but holding my own?  Fuck, that is a much harder ask and practice.

I think I do a good job at self care also. I rest when I need to, take a nap sometimes even.  I take care of my body, mind and spirit through diet, exercise and meditation.  I really do see these things as building blocks for a better life and better version of me.  And I also believe that everyone, including me, deserves the best version of me I can bring forth each day.  I will never be perfect but I can continue to grow towards my idea of what that looks like while understanding that you may need and want something completely different from me...and that is ok.

I think I also do a great job with responsibility. I am a responsible person, pretty much always have been.  Getting sober just made me more consistent since I didn’t need oodles of time to recover from my hangover and debauchery.  Now I have responsibility AND consistency!  And I really enjoy the way my life feels...

Graceful interaction is kind of a new thought.  I mean, I try to be warm and inviting to all I encounter.  And to notice when I do not feel that way at all.  Sometimes I am just closed off and shut down.  I don’t want to talk to people and everything annoys me.  I try to stay home during these times and not inflict myself on others.  I think a fundamental part of graceful interaction is to be aware of what opens you up and what shuts you down.  And then be able to take corrective action...again, not perfect on this but I am actively working on it.  I want to be a safe person for others.

In short, I try to be a person of integrity.  To do what I say I am going to do when I say I am going to do it regardless of how I feel about it.  If I cannot honor my commitments to you, I will never honor them to myself.  To be aware of how I show up and what I bring to the table and for me that means that I have to practice sitting with hard emotions and not reacting to them.  I do meditation to increase my frustration tolerance as often as I can.  And finally, I practice discretion.  To allow everyone a wide berth and to know that I am only responsible for myself.  I really do try to behave as though I believe that what others think of me is none of my business...and do my best not to run others down...although admittedly I could do a better job with this.

I like that I now have a term that pretty much embodies what I am trying to do each day with my life.  I am trying to live an emotionally elegant life.  Somedays I will still appear as a warning and other days an example, regardless I am over here trying my best to be real, to be kind and to be present.

Again, still...

Not sure if this could really be emotional elegance in action, but I like it nonetheless...