Happiness...

Someone said to me the other day, “if you are happy, thank the unhappiness that got you there...”

And that landed.

Which made me think of the places I am currently unhappy in my life (not many, but there are a couple) and it made me immediately grateful for them because I know this current unhappiness shall deliver me to a new happiness, eventually.  Unhappiness, when challenged and changed, always leads to a new happiness.  Perhaps with a great deal of hardship and pain, but eventually, I always get to a new place of peace, happiness and joy.  Always. No matter what.  

I have not been miserable my whole life.  In fact, there have been so many more seasons of happiness and joy than there have been of unhappiness...so many more.  And every happiness was sown from seeds of discontent and unhappiness. Without the pain, unhappiness and grief, I would not have made the changes required.  I would not have moved, altered, shifted, pivoted, examined, changed myself and so would have likely remained in a consistent unhappiness forever.

My life is currently in a state of flux.  I do not know what is going to happen next on a great many fronts.  I do not know what is going to change or occur or happen.  And that can be a source for anxiety.  And it can also be a cause for excitement.  For me it really depends on the day.  Right now I am in an evaluative process.  What shall I do next?  Where shall I live?  What will I do for work?  Will my injury heal to be less painful?  How exactly will my life move forward?

I do not currently know and that can be a cause for great unhappiness, but it isn’t for me right now.  I am moving forward, I am dealing with the stuff that happens.  I am trusting that the seeds for future happiness exist in the here and now even though it all feels so uncertain.  It all feels so grievous.  I know that this current state is actually fertile soil upon which a new happiness shall sprout in good time.  I am just not ever going to be in charge of exactly when that good time is...

It helps me to know that in every unhappiness that has ever befallen me, were the seeds for my future happiness.  That every happiness I have ever enjoyed, I have to thank the unhappiness that came before...without the sadness, pain, loss and grief, I would not be able to feel the happiness, freedom from pain, gain and healing.  I have to have both, always.  I cannot feel one without the other.  And it is living through the hard times, the very hard times that I am given the metal and substance I need to move forward with my life to happier times.  And I think the hardest task of daily living is to recognize that there is no permanent state to get to, no place where I am happy forever and that is it.  Unhappiness will always visit from time to time, there will be hard times, I will suffer and feel pain.  I will be ok, though, no matter what.  I am going to grow through it all.

And the seeds of my future happiness shall always be found right here and now in my current unhappiness, pain, loss and grief.  So I can thank the hard times, enjoy them even, if I can bend my mind in that direction while the hardship is occurring, I can be given just the slightest hope and faith that without rain, the flowers will not ever bloom. Without darkness, I will forever fail to truly appreciate the light.  That with every happiness, I can thank my previous unhappiness for giving me the building blocks for the future I am currently enjoying.  Life is always going to be a rich mix of everything:  the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the hard, the fun, the loss and the gain.  And life feels more rich, beautiful and affirming when I can remember this while I am living in the hard times...joy will come again, soon.

Again, still...