Once, in a Blue Moon...

May 31st will bring a blue moon in Sagittarius.  It is all about the new; changing old, repeating patterns that do not serve us and making the change to allow for new beginnings...

Since this is the second full moon in the month of May it acts like a double exclamation point amplifying the themes of endings, realizations and emotional releases; it is focused on truth-seeking, expansion, and cosmic course-correction. 

I keep getting this a lot lately.  That everything is shifting, and I guess, everything is always shifting...but I feel it right now.  I have been in the hall for awhile now and it has been all the things hallway time is: hard, lonely, boring, scary, unsteady and unsure but now it is feeling like it is time to open up a door and walk in...and I have no idea which door to open, but I feel like I am going to have to open one of these fuckers and move forward.

It has been 6 months since I went out on disability and lost my job.  It has been five months since I lost my dad.  It has been two months since my daughter moved out and about the same amount of time since my son moved back to the West Coast.  I have been sitting with a lot of very hard things for months now and I do not feel my usual, “let’s hurry the fuck up and get this over with...”  Instead, I have felt like, “ok, this is here and there is little I can do about it...” But that also now feels like it is changing.  I can’t explain how I feel it is time for a shift, but all I can say is that I F E E L it.

I have no idea what the shift is going to be...just that I feel like something is getting ready to happen.  And I have no idea if I am going to like it or not.  I just feel like it is going to happen whether I like it or not.

I always feel the effects of the full moon acutely.  It tends to disturb my sleep and provide me with weird dreams and sometimes insights.  I know, woo woo shit.  But it is true, I don’t try to be this way, it just is how I am.

Life is always unfolding but sometimes I feel super aware of the unfolding, like I am watching it in almost slow motion...I don’t know what is coming, but I can feel it and I pray that it isn’t something awful.  I feel like I have had a hard go of it for the last six months and I have done my level best to handle it with grace and dignity...it would be lovely for an upturn, a turning of that proverbial corner where everything makes more sense and I feel delivered to the safety of what is next with some assurance and belief that what is happening is what is supposed to be happening...

But like all things in life, we just have this moment right now, and there are no guarantees.  Just be here now, doing all the things that one is supposed to do, discipline coming to fill the gap motivation has vanished from...

I hope this moon brings insight and awareness, granting me access to things that I can feel but not see.  It would be nice to feel some confidence about the direction of my life, while also remembering that I just have to do this next right thing and trust that life is going to move forward regardless of whether I like it, love it or hate it.  Life gives no fucks about my feelings, instead, life cares more about providing me growth opportunities and that never seems like what I am looking for at all.  Except, for maybe, once in a blue moon...

Again, still...