Own Your Crazy...

First of all, I think crazy is a natural reaction to the world we live in.  How could anyone come up with a sane response?  Especially in today’s world???  It does appear that whoever is writing this melodrama, has lost the plot and now is just doing all kinds of crazy ass shit to keep it interesting.  Nothing even makes sense anymore.  Long standing characters of good reputation are just standing idly by while shit goes down.  Nothing happens...well, wait, yes it does, it keeps getting worse.

I think I was most afraid in my life to be called crazy.  To be viewed as anything other than normal, stable, and the like.  The older I get, not only do I care less but I wonder why I was ever preoccupied with this external control in the first place.  Most of the best revolutionaries were called crazy. So were most of the scientists and other leaders.  When you push for things that reach beyond the conventional wisdom, which is always way too staid and boring for me, people call you crazy to keep you in line.  People call you out for stepping out of the accepted norm.  

Well fuck the conventional norm and all its trappings.  Call me crazy, but I want to walk my own path in this life.  I want to define sanity for me.  I want to be the decider of what level of sanity I am currently holding, not you and your standards and I really want to leave you to do the same.

I make a lot of choices in my life that people that love me do not agree with...but because most of the people who are left standing in my life right now are good, loving, caring people who feel all those things about me, they accept me for who I am and that I am going to do shit that is going to make them scratch their heads, vex their mind and challenge what they might think is right for me.

Last night I drove to Bakersfield to a Starbucks parking lot to pick up four maybe 10 day old kittens.  No, I am not on some sort of listserv.  I don’t know how it happens to me, I guess it does because I answer my phone and then once presented with the possibility of tiny, furry balls of love, I can’t say no.  I just don’t have that gene in my body.

I drove to them in the agitated state of an expectant mother.  I was worried they were not warm enough or too warm, I was worried about their health and hydration.  I was worried that they would be in bad shape.  

Luckily, they were in delicate shape and all seem ok this morning.  They are warm, safe, well fed and dry.  So far so good.  I am already in love with all of them.  It is impossible to have a favorite...I just adore them all.

After making a total mess of my car, surviving the very odd stares from strangers in the parking lot after feeding all four of them for about an hour, we began our voyage home.  I had nowhere to keep them because the dog crate they were brought in was too big to fit in my car.  So I emptied my little travel cooler and in they went.  With full bellies and warmth, they slept on the more than 2 hour drive home, thankfully.

I spent my Friday night arranging cats and rooms and blankets and towels, mixing formula and making bottles for the all night feedings and then collapsed into bed about 9:30 so that I could get up in a few hours to feed the little monsters.

To some people this is nuts.  I am nuts but this is just who I am.  I am not saying that I will say yes every time, but I will do what I can every time someone asks me to.  I would do it with puppies also, but kittens are way easier and less messy.  Luckily for whatever reason I am only being over served in the cat distribution center. Thankfully the dog distribution center doesn’t have my number!  Please do NOT give it to them.  I have no willpower whatsoever where animals are concerned.

And, if I am honest, I don’t understand the people who do have the willpower.  I mean how the fuck can you say no???  It isn’t even an option for me.  And my daughter knows this and so when these kittens were found at the horse ranch camp she is working at for the summer, I was the only call that was made.  Hook, line, sinker, sunk.

I love that she has my tender heart.  I love that she believes in me and knows that I will help every single time.  I love that she and I share this somewhat insane level of cat love.  I love her and now I love them.  It is as if love is transmitted between us via many ways but one of the main arteries is through the salvation of tiny kittens that would never make it without human intervention.

And thus, we intervene.

I do not think I am crazy.  I believe my response is the only sane one actually. I get it is inconvenient.  I get that it is taxing and limits my ability to do what I want. But when called for service, I don’t really think I get to pick how I serve.  I believe my life splays out all the ways I am meant to serve by what shows up in my life. And kittens are definitely one of the ways I am called on to serve.

You may call me a crazy cat lady.  That is fine.  But know that when you do so, you are paying me the highest compliment possible.  Because in YOUR definition of it, I am removed from the normal order of things and placed on a plane that is outside the ordinary.  And that is where I have always wanted to be anyway.  There are worse things in this life than dying alone with cats.  Sometimes we just have to accept our fate.  And for me, this one, where I drive five hours to pick up four tiny fur balls of pure love and joy is what life and living is all about.

Call it crazy all you want.  Keep your thoughts to yourself.  I am over here living my best life surrounded by the pure unadulterated love that only animals can provide.  As my grandmother said, “the more I see of people, the more I love my cat.”  She was a wise woman.  I miss her.  She would totally help me feed kittens all night long...

Perhaps kitten rescue is the only thing making me sane in this world that makes less and less sense to me every day.  You can call it crazy, I will call it living and get on with the business of living my best life. You and your judgment can keep your distance...thanks but no thanks. I give no fucks in this regard, except about tiny day counting kittens. For them I have all the fucks to give in this world!

Again, still...

Have you ever seen cooler cats? Well, now. you have!