Walks at Dusk...

I got home late last night from my tattoo appointment.  Quick aside, if you are in Ojai and like ink go see Hannah at Hanman Ink at the Ice House!  She is a talented, fun and an amazing artist!  I will post more about her and my new ink...later.

I was in a good mood.  Happy with my new body art but I spent most of the day sitting idle first with a hair appointment and then the tattoo appointment.  I was foundering on the ultimate question:  gym or walk?  My dog decided for me, walk it was.

So we headed out as the sun was bidding the day adieu.  It was a lovely evening with soft light and a very slight but cool breeze.  Perfect evening Spring time weather.

I walked at a fast pace because I was hungry and wanted to get home and eat.  Kind of like a horse that always heads back on the trail twice as fast as it went out because it knows there is hay waiting at the trail’s end.  I didn’t eat hay, of course, but I did pretty much kill off a small gluten free cheese pizza.

I stopped to take some photos along the way.  I love the light here in Ojai. I know there are other places that have good light but I swear this valley lights up in a very special way.  And not just the pink moment.  That is lovely also, but the way the sun dances across the fields as dusk descends, just makes me feel alive and like I belong to this place.

We did the meadow walk, which is something I tend to default to because it is a habit and easy to do without a lot of thought or thinking.  It isn’t technical in anyway so your mind is free to wander and think deeper thoughts than say Pratt, Fox or Lucy.  And I absolutely love the way the light moves across the meadow.  How cool is it to live in a town with a meadow, a river bottom, and countless mountain trails?  How lucky am I to live here?

I felt alive last night.  My heart still heavy with all the loss of late but I felt present, I felt here, I felt alive.  And alive doesn’t mean perfect.  To be alive allows a certain degree of not okness.  I mean, when is life all sorted?  When is it without some level of pain and sorrow and loss and fear?  Never.  Or if we ever get a completely free moment that has no pain, sorrow, loss or fear, it is fleeting.  So the evening was sublime even though nothing is resolved.  Still on disability. Still having trouble in relationships.  Still a little lost about what my life looks like right now. But, on my walk, just dog and dog walker, I was content. Not really happy, but content which is a different kind of being.  Calm, peaceful, serene, present with all of the feels.  And a willingness to just walk along with all of them as they bubble up, stake their claim on my soul and then subside to their rightful place within me.

The light, fading, brought a certain level of closeness to the experience of being human and here.  The dog walking on her leash, having her own experience of the evening, and me, with my big brain, doing my best to not spend the entire time consumed with thoughts, fears and feelings of grief.  I think I did pretty well...

It was a good dusk walk.  Just me, the landscape, the dog, and God.

Again, still...