Uninspired...

I am uninspired today.  I have been sitting here in the dark trying to conjure up a topic.  And this is what I got.  I am not sure why I can’t think of anything to write about today...this almost never happens to me.  I often wake up writing the post before I am even awake.  But this week has been a struggle.  It isn’t that I don’t have shit I am thinking, I think, instead, it is that I do not want to share what I am thinking and feeling.

So I guess I am not going to.  Stuff is happening, things are moving.  I have shit going on but I am not ready to share it just yet.  I am not ready to allow you in. 

I know, I promised to share and I will, I just can’t today, for whatever reason.  I am going to take the weekend off and not write...well, I may not post.  Who knows, tomorrow I could wake up with a great thought or idea.  But today, this is what I have which is a lot of words that say the same thing:  I got nothing.

I am uninspired. Not even scrolling Insta helped this morning.  Sometimes when I am uninspired I scroll socials and then I come up with something that sparks me. Not today, there were lots of things I thought about writing, but none of it landed in me.  Nothing inspired me.

What I guess I am really feeling is an apathy for the world, what the fuck are we even doing?  Each day I attempt to avoid the insanity that is our country and leadership and each day, I hear all the batshit crazy stuff that is going on and I think about all the people who are going to die, be maimed, have their lives completely unhinged because we have lost the fucking plot.  It is bringing me down.  And I know it is just a matter of time before it gets worse. Hard to be inspired when it feels like “what the fuck is even the point anymore?”

Sorry, not the best message today, but it is where I am and what I have got.  I feel lost, insecure, apathetic, scared, worried and hopeless on so many front today.  Which I think is a totally normal and accurate response to what is going on in the world right now...

I am resisting the urge to pull up the covers and say fuck it to the day.  I am going to get up and do my life deal but I am struggling.  Everything feels fucked and scary.  I know things have to break down and apart for new things to happen, but this seems like we are teetering on the brink of our very survival...and I am finding it hard to find the silver lining today.

I don’t feel this way often, but when I do, it is pervasive.  And today, it fucking blows.  Anyway, this is what I have today, uninspired drivel...sorry.