What is Poison?

Let’s start with a definition:  a substance that is capable of causing the illness or death of a living organism when introduced or absorbed.

And sure there is the literal poisons we ingest:  chemicals, drugs, alcohol.  But there are others, just as deadly, but we tend to overlook them in our pursuit of happiness and satisfaction.

But poison can be defined as anything we take in that is beyond what we need.  It can be anything at all really.   When we exceed acquiring what we need in this life, today, then we are in danger of poisoning ourselves and our well for living.

I like this definition of poison.  This tendency of us humans to take more than we need and then wonder why we don’t feel so well.  We drink too much, we eat too much, we buy too much, we want too much.  All day, every day.  We confuse want with need and we set ourselves up for so much suffering.

I have poisoned myself a lot in this life.  Currently I might just be drowning in clothing, cats and desire.  Wanting more than my share.  Thinking that there is ever anything on the outside of me that is going to bring me true, lasting peace.  Peace is always an inner job, but we have run such a good con in getting ourselves to believe otherwise.  Peace can be purchased, acquired, shared and regifted.  Except, it really can’t. 

We all have our own journeys with peace.  Sometimes it is a fleeting thing in our lives that we know barely at all.  Sometimes it is something we are sure we can buy with the right amount of money.  But if we truly seek peace, we will find it can only be something that is cultivated free of poisons.

I like the image of poison being anything.  Like a shapeshifter, poison takes many forms.  But anything taken beyond need, has the potential to become a toxin.  Man, have I made that mistake so often in this life.  Believing something was a balm or salve, only to come to find that, in fact, the thing I am using to medicate my existence is actually, venomous.

I am going through some stuff now.  A reordering of my life and priorities.  I am in it now.  Analyzing and reviewing my life and how I am living it and not coming up short, per se, but also seeing some areas of my life where I have made poison out of many things.  And then I wonder why I don’t feel so good.

Couple that with the idea that so much of my life is drinking the poison and expecting someone else to become ill, and you can easily see how I have backed myself into corners I never really needed to visit.

I sit here in middle age, wondering why the fuck I have been so scared to live.  Why I have attempted to acquire so much more than what I needed.  And how I turned every day objects and people into things that were an absolute toxic to my system.  And I guess on some level, I knew it.  I knew I was acting out in this manner, but I will own that I was clueless about how to change it.  I just needed things don’t you know?  Always needing more or a different kind.  I can see now I have made a habit of making poison out of things that are not venomous at all in their own right.

So this is now my working definition:  taking more than I need, is always going to result in me becoming toxic to myself.  And want is always the delivery system for that noxious belief.

If I don’t heal, I will use. I will use more than I need and then spend an inordinate amount of time wondering why I don’t feel good.  Well, I don’t feel good because I chose using over healing and used things beyond my needs which then poisoned my system and life.  It is that simple really.

So now I am in the “what am I going to do about it phase of living...” it is kind of exciting really.  My whole way and manner of living has been upended.  Which is a bit chaotic.  But sometimes you have to shake things up for them to sort themselves out.

Again, still...