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Day 290 - Obstination: A Perspective...

Obstinate: To perversely adhere to an opinion, purpose, or course in spite of reason, arguments, or persuasion.

This word perfecting describes what I feel is going on with the virus. People actively and intentionally refusing to believe science. I don’t get it. I do not understand what is going on.

When did so many people just decide to ignore facts? Not statistics, as we all know, statistics can be manipulated every which way to say what we want them to say. But facts? Come on now! Here is what I know to be true:

There is a worldwide pandemic going on that is killing people. We can all debate how many people, their demographics, how quickly, how they got it or anything else under the sun but a fact that none of us can ignore or refute is that people are getting sick and people are dying.

I guess there are those people who believe it is all a hoax. That is the most interesting belief of all. I want to talk to these people because I really am fascinated by their magical thinking and what happened to them that they would decide to just believe it was all a sham. So interesting!

So I think we can all agree that people are getting sick and some of those people are dying (again excepting out those people who believe that this has all been some global, worldwide hoax put on by countries that do not agree with anyone or anything, all to conspire to ?????)

What is most fascinating to me is the number of people who are obstinating facts and science. I can’t read the news, it kills me and sets me off so I have taken to just glossing over it once a week. But apparently, the White House is now going to do the job of the CDC and report to us numbers. I can’t believe this is happening! Who does this? And why are we not more outraged over this blatant grab at power? Information is power and we are now having that information filtered through a political machine...doesn’t that concern everyone??? I can think of a few other regimes where this happened: Hitler, I the only one who sees the similarities? And yes, I would object to any regime doing this - the fact that it is conservative is way less important than the fact that we are condoning the behavior from anyone. I care not at all how they vote, I care about the fact that an entity with agendas and motives is seizing information to use that same information against us all. Seriously??? What the actual fuck?

I was so hopeful when this all began that we would come together as a world. That we would finally and forever put common welfare above political and economic gain. Boy was I wrong. I never, ever thought that I would see a day where The White House would be allowed to obstinate science. But here we are...

It feels like there are no rules anymore. It feels like everything is up for grabs and can and will be used for personal power and gain. I do not know what is really happening but I really don’t like the reports from the front lines. How did a pandemic become a political thing? I just don’t get it. To my way of thinking, if you are a conservative, people are ill and dying and if you are a liberal, people are ill and dying. What the actual fuck is going on?

I feel like whatever end of the spectrum you live, we are all being manipulated and lied to and kept in the dark about what is really going on. For me, if I spend too much time thinking about that I get angry and afraid and can’t sleep at night. I am just totally confused and baffled and have no idea what is going on except...


I cannot engage in the mask debate. Or the economic debate or the school debate. For me, I am just going to do what I am told and be grateful that I live in a town where reason abounds. I do not know how I feel about any of this. I do not like wearing a mask or not hugging people but I also feel like not wearing a mask and hugging people could kill me or other people so when my personal freedoms are weighed against DEATH, I am pretty much ok with being inconvenienced by the fucking mask and keeping my hands to myself.

In the end, perhaps it is my own stubborn obstination that is causing me to write things like this...the world is perhaps just as fucked up as it has always been and perhaps it is only my own delusional thinking that makes me think that things are worse. I am still struck by how polarized we are as a nation. I do not see how so many people can see it so differently...the same facts, completely different conclusions. I am glad that I live in a world where both sides can speak their truth. I am grateful for the conversation and perspective sharing. I do not like living in a world where there is just one view...I like the conflict because it breeds thought and the search for deeper meaning. I don’t want to live where everyone believes the same thing, as I have often found myself forever on the outside of public opinion.

What I do lament is that the virus has become just another vehicle to shame each other, judge each other and disconnect from each other. Seems we had plenty of that before...I was so hoping that a worldwide pandemic could finally show us that regardless of how much we define ourselves outside of whatever circle, we are all human and we all are susceptible in the same way and manner to old age, sickness and death. I was so hoping that this human condition and its worldwide threat to our individual lives would be a unifying force.

And I realized the other day that it still can be for me. I decided to love you even if you don’t wear a mask, think this whole thing is a joke, argue with science or if you have not left your house since March, wear gloves and a mask even in your own home. I decided that the most spiritual thing I can do is to love everyone regardless of what they say or do. Because I know that regardless of how your fear manifests, we are all afraid and we are all unsure. Some of us may be scared angry, some scared judgmental, some scared scared but to be sure, we are all afraid about something, most of us more than one thing.

So I will not contribute to the obstipation of science but I will not judge you for your views. I am just going to do my best to love you and everyone else who is muddling through this most unprecedented time. I will simply say that I am afraid too. I am worried too. I do not want to get sick or die either. I do not want to lose my job or my family. I miss my life before all of this. I do not have a solution, just a lot of questions that sometimes keeps me up at night.

I am going to go for the love. I will do the work I need to do to find a way to be loving even though I may think your views are stupid, dangerous or ignorant. I am going for the love...I am going to be obstinate about that - Love despite the climate, controversy and the fact that the whole world has lost their minds. Love, anyway. Always.

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