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Day 299 - Antique Roadshow of Dating...

I was talking to a friend last night and since we are both single, we frequently talk about dating, love, commitment and integrity. Both of us having made the larger commitment to live life based upon spiritual principles. We often laugh at how much spiritual principles and dating just do not go well together. They are forever on the Sesame Street “which one of these thing just doesn’t belong here” stage.


We both feel like this commitment to live by principles a bar to dating, well at least a truncation of options. Most people just want to fill the hole (literally and figuratively) and are not interested in deep, passion based principles being applied to lust, craving and longing. It is hard, and not in a good way. It would be so much easier to just let passion win and allow whatever feels good to direct the course. But we have both arrived, somewhat late in life, at the conclusion that that course is ultimately unsatisfying and hollow...for us. No judgment on whatever anyone else is doing. You do you. But for us, we just don’t want what we keep getting in the fast lane. It doesn’t bring lasting happiness or partnership or love. It is more like signing up to scratch one itch forever, which would be fine but when have you ever had an itch, just one, that lasted forever?


He is a funny guy and he was describing to me how he felt about himself being older and dating He said that he felt like a Swatch watch. Once cool and hip but now made obsolete by the Fit Bit or iWatch. He feels like he keeps showing up to the party and trying to pedal something that is out dated and just not as hip, slick and cool anymore.


We both started laughing and said that we both felt, somewhat like we are on the Antique Roadshow for dating...


Older Man with a British Accent:

Oh, what have you brought us today?


Me:

Well, a middle aged woman in her 50s that has this idea that it isn’t too late to find someone who sets her soul on fire...


Older Man with a British Accent:

Isn't that darling! And where did you find this item?


Me:

Oh, I have had her for years. She is in pretty good shape, all of her original parts minus a uterus...


Older Man with a British Accent:

Well luckily for you, due to her age, the uterus being missing doesn’t greatly decrease her value. Now if she were younger, this would be a deal breaker...


Me:

I think she is in great shape, perhaps the best of her life when compared to other items like her in that age group.


Older Man with a British Accent:

Did she come in a set?


Me:

She has mostly had a solo existence, she does have a few children that are definitely part of the package. I have them too, would you like to see them?


Older Man with a British Accent:

In a minute, I am really interested in her for her solo value. The additional items could greatly decrease her value...what are their ages?


Me:

13, 14


Older Man with a British Accent:

Oh, that is bad for you. No one wants the additional items in that age group. Everyone knows that those were difficult years and I think you are better off with her as a single item.


Me:

Well that isn’t possible, she is a set and the set can’t be broken up.


Older Man with a British Accent:

That is too bad. You could get a lot more for her if you were willing to break up the set.


Me:

Nope, she is a set. Final answer.


Older Man with a British Accent:

Tell me a little more about the item...where did you find her? Is this her original packaging?


Me:

I found her in a nice but modest home in California. She really likes it there. Finds it a beautiful place to be found.


Well, yes, the packaging is real. There are a few scuffs and dings but for the most part, the outsides are in pretty good shape.


Older Man with a British Accent:

She seems to have a sparkling personality.

Me:

I think it really depends on who is looking at her. Some might find her enchanting and others not so much...


Older Man with a British Accent:

If you were able to get top dollar for her today, would you sell her?


Me:

I thought so but now after going through this process, I believe that she is priceless and couldn’t bear to part with her.


Or something like that...


Actually it isn’t far from the truth, dating in middle age. I feel like I have arrived at this place where the deals that are being cut undervalue the person involved, often both people. But there I am showing up every week to see if I can get a different answer from a different appraiser.


My friend and I laughed (we do that a lot) both of us hoping that there is someone out there that wants a swatch watch or a middle aged Barbie doll sans one uterus and two additional items in difficult age group.


I guess the best part of the whole funny discussion was that when I hung up the phone, I believed that there was. Someone who wanted us just as we are and for what we no longer are. And for now, that person is us. Just us, loving who we are and doing our best to remain true to the one thing that we know for sure:


Beauty and value is in the eye of the beholder. It doesn’t matter what value you can garner on the road, if you feel valueless on the inside. Beauty and grace emanate from within and only those who are willing to do a deeper dive are going to take the time to find out what makes the swatch watch still tick or if the aged Barbie doll still has it going on.


My friend and I say we do. Now to be patient until we find the other half that is willing to see that all that glitters is not gold, sometimes it is platinum.




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