The Funk Zone...

No, not the place in Santa Barbara.  I am talking about the emotional funk zone.  Where I have been inhabiting lately.  I vacillate between being ok and dialed in and feeling this bizarre, yet not unpleasant, floating feeling.  Like my life isn’t really my life, like my life is harder and more painful and I am getting some sort of reprieve from my usual life.  And then, without warning, I am bowled over by grief.  Multiple layers of grief and loss for all the things that came to a swift and unexpected end in 2025.  I am not reeling...just marveling really.

But it has landed me in this weird place I am calling the funk zone.  The soundtrack is amazing, the emotional tidal surges are interesting and the amount of time I will spend in this funky place uncertain.

So many important things removed from me recently:  my dad, my job, Marylou, a sense of security and safety with gigantic trees toppling into housing structures.  So much change all at once, which has landed me in funky town for sure, but it is actually a pretty nice place and I am not unhappy here.  I know I will not set up permanent residence here...so it is all good, really.  My time in the funk zone is required, and that is as it should be.

I don’t know what happens after I leave the funk zone...I just know that it will be ok.  I will be ok.  My life will move forward and I will be just fine, all will be well.  I know this because it already is...I am fine.  And not fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional, I am really fine.  Sure, I have my moments when the tidal wave of grief overtakes me and levels me, but that is only temporary.  I swim to the surface and float.  And eventually I am moved to a place on dry land, where the footing is more stable and I know I am being cared for.

It is so weird to have this kind of faith.  I absolutely know this is all going to be not only fine, but amazing.  I am going to miss my dad forever, but it will become more like a comfortable cardigan, and less like a straitjacket in due time.  He is with me always, and like when he was living, he shall remain a constant.  I just can’t touch him anymore.  But I feel his presence and nuance constantly.

And the work thing?  Well, clearly that was meant to end.  I didn’t see it coming the way it is going down, but it is ok too.  I will figure it out.  I will be ok.  Right action follows right action and I will be carried through this.  I have skills, I know things (I mean sort of), and I have drive and zeal and a real willingness to want to be of service to people.  I will figure out what comes next...eventually.

And the tree, that will be ok too.  The insurance company will take care of it and the roof will get fixed and people will get paid and we will move on and soon it will just be a weird ending to a hard day.

This time in the funk zone is interesting, rich and has this different flavor...which is a nice surprise really.  So much of life felt so routine and boring right before everything got up ended.  I can’t very well be upset about that now, since I was bored and felt stalled just prior to all this happening.  I mean it is human nature to want change, right up until it arrives and then we are like, “wait a fucking second!  Not THAT change!  I wanted to win the lottery or move to France kind of change!  Or fall in love with someone who is fucking awesome kind of change!  What the fuck is this my dad is dead and I no longer have a job kind of bullshit?! And what the actual fuck with the tree?”

Yeah, we always think things should be different than what is happening.  But I am finding a great deal of peace in the funk zone where everything is weird, altered and funky.  And I am ok.  It is all ok.  Even as it hurts, even as it destabilizes.  Even as it happens in ways and manners that feel hard and unyielding.  I am ok over here in the funk zone.  I know my residence here is temporary, that life will stabilize and I will be led in new directions that will require effort and footwork and all that jazz.  

But for now, I am doing just fine in the funk zone.  I am not overly worried.  I am not constantly upset.  I am riding the tides of grief knowing that all is ok, regardless of how it feels at time.  There is a season to this life, a great pivoting...and I can feel the subtle torque occurring even when I can’t see how I will become dislodged from this place...time in the funk zone isn’t permanent so I might as well enjoy it while I am here.  There are worse places to be...like sitting bedside and watching my dad die for 12 days, or working for someone who, well I am gonna stop right there and say no more about that!  Let’s just say I am leveled by the change but also heartened by it.  I can see that change is in flow and the best thing I can do, is to relax, don’t struggle and take it easy.  A favorite saying of my dad’s.  Thanks Dad.  I miss you and love you.  The funk zone isn’t all that bad, I think you would have liked it here too.  I pray you are happy, joyous and free...

Again, still...

Always.

Ohhh, and did I mentioned the Funk Zone has cool cats, like Ophelia?