Today my daughter, the dog and I head out for parts unknown. I am excited and a little scared. The older I get the harder leaving home is...if I am honest. I want to go but going it alone is scary. Not scary enough for me not to do it, just to think about not doing it until I am actually doing it.
I almost cancelled the whole thing yesterday but with my work schedule being what it is if I don’t go now, I likely will not go...
I seem to always be at this place in my life. Going it alone or not going at all. I would be a liar if I didn’t admit that this would be so much more exciting if I had a partner to share this with...not that I am not excited about some one on one time with my girls. But having it all fall on my shoulders sometimes feels like a weight I can’t bear. But I do. And it is fine, in fact, usually, it is amazing.
I am so grateful for my adventuring heart. That my need to get away is greater than my fear. I am so humbled by all that taking off today entails. How much riding off into the sunset creates so much to do and be. Mostly what I am looking for is to just be lost for a little while. To unplug and just lay in my bed on the edge of some water underneath sheltering trees. This is where I know, it will all be ok.
Kurt Vonnegut once said that whenever he was disturbed if he could just get next to some body of water (stream, ocean, lake, river, brook, sea) he felt immediate release and calm. Me too. Always.
I want to build a campfire and sit under the stars and just marvel at the world we live in...not the Facebook world or the working world or any of that consumer world. I want to just be me in nature and breathe it all in.
I also want to read books. I have bought three for this journey and I plan to finish them all before I get back. Some summer reading that I have been neglecting. I have always found some yet to be identified part of myself in a good book. It is my happy place and one that I should visit more often.
I also want to connect with my daughter. For both of us to put down our devices and just sing songs while meandering down the open road. Just her, me and the dog. I want to laugh and giggle and rest together. I am going to really miss the goats (I have considered bringing them a number of times...maybe next trip). But, for now, they will be well cared for by my team of caretakers!
I am so grateful that the whole of my life I have picked freedom over safety. I am glad that I can still do it. It would be so much easier to just stay home. It would be so much easier to just not do it. But I can’t, I have to go. It is calling me and I must answer. It is a beckoning that I can’t ignore. And I am so grateful that so far in my life, I have been able to chew off the restraints and go...
I will still be posting daily because I made a commitment to do so. But it maybe later in the day and shorter in length. This is what I love about travel, anything can happen...one just never knows.
I know that I will return from this maiden voyage a changed person. I hope that whatever I become on this journey, she is kinder, gentler and more capable of occupying her life so that she can be of service to those around her. I hope that in my own awakening, I can assist in yours.
Sending love and light...always.
I take to the open road, healthy, free, the world before me...Walt Whitman.
