I am not sure I even believe in Twin Flames. I think that I want to believe in them, and soul mates and true love. But my life experience would lead me to other conclusions...
Someone once talked to me about Twin Flames and I became educated because I had never heard the term before...
So what exactly are these flames?
And why would you want to experience them?
And what would that look like if you did?
Apparently, “when you meet your twin flame, you know it. The universe opens up and things start to conspire in your favor. You get to witness the intense acceptance of who you are through the images of another. Twin flames do not have to be identical in every aspect. They get to fulfill each other in the areas that have been asleep. This person “sees” your essence. A twin flame relationship is defined by true acknowledgment of heart and soul. There isn’t a desire to fix anyone. There isn’t the criticism or judgment that arrives in relationships when two people are afraid to see the incompatibility.” This is according to The Power of Positivity website...
There are 8 stages:
1. THE MYTH OF “THE ONE” BECOMES REAL. We have been ingrained from childhood that there is one person out there that will find us and make us happy. But, you have endured chaotic, unreliable, and challenging loves in your life. You believe that the stories you’ve heard are fictional and disappointing. The moment you meet your twin flame, that entire mentality and belief system disappears. You begin to understand and accept that “The One” has been searching for you as intensely as you have them. You cannot believe that this is real. But, you give in to the possibility. And if you do, this person helps you regain a love for life that you believed could never exist.
2. YOU RECOGNIZE THE REASON FOR THEIR EXISTENCE. When you start to accept that this person has undergone similar experiences, it becomes clear that you had to reach this point in your life to accept this kind of relationship. Twin flames enter our lives at the precise moment that we require to learn something incredible about ourselves. Many times, a twin flame comes into your life when you are in another committed relationship. You may be married, engaged, or dealing with the loss of your mate. This person shows up with incredible wisdom that you need to hear in order to move on. And, it is then that you also realize that if this person had come into your life earlier, you would have taken the experience for granted.
3. YOU FALL IN LOVE. There is a difference between loving someone and truly falling in love with them. We love our parents, our friends, family members, and other past lovers. When you meet your twin flame, those forms of love cannot measure up to the intensity and passion of your other half. You do not have to force the love, or try to make sense of it. For the first time, your heart knows something that your mind cannot analytically put together. Falling in love is the easiest thing in the world. It becomes the most natural substance of the union. Twin flames aren’t blinded by reality, because they are their own world. Illusions fall short of this fire. This is the phase of pure ecstasy because you allow the heart to do what it is there to do: love unconditionally.
4. YOU BEGIN TO SEE ALL ASPECTS OF YOURSELF. Every relationship teaches something valuable about the self. Once the initial passion starts to stabilize and daily routine takes over, you begin to witness the many aspects of yourself. Twin flames not only have the same magical and wonderful dispositions, but they also mirror the dark parts of our souls. It’s in this space that we must learn to heal, forgive and partake in accepting all aspects of the self. It is always easy to live in the light of all goodness, but we are made in duality: dark vs. light, good vs. bad, and so on. These are the moments that we must be mature to understand that there is always soul work to be done in this human experience. This person will heighten all facets of ourselves.
5. YOU WANT TO RUN AWAY. The depth and dimension of this love affair is sometimes too much for someone to handle. You recognize parts of yourself that you aren’t willing to look at. In those moments, you start to put on your running shoes. The first few stages of twin flames relationships often times look like the coyote and roadrunner. You can’t help but chase after each other in circles. It’s in these times that you get to witness all the similarities in each other. Fear and anxiety become the judging mates for egotistical decisions. Are you willing to continue?
6. YOU SURRENDER. All that running away and running around gets exhausting. You wear each other out. It’s in this stage that you know that this is going to take some adjusting. You and your twin flame are willing to enter this experiment of cosmic challenges. You recognize that there is work to be done, and together you can accomplish it. Once you set ego aside, you feel the love and fear dissolves. This is when you start to understand the soul contract that was created many lifetimes ago. This is the phase when you both can find peace in the union.
7. YOU CHALLENGE EACH OTHER. The moment you surrender without fear of this person taking off, the easier it is to settle into a healthy relationship. Twin flames have the strongest ability of making each other succeed. They are each others’ cheerleaders, coaches, and audience. Your twin will pull and push you with love and encouragement beyond any other relationship in your life. They will not stand in your way while you follow your purpose. Sometimes twin flames separate for just a bit during this transition as they find grounding in their own lives. But, out of mutual love and respect, they return with power and ambition to run side by side on this journey of life.
8. YOU BECOME ONE. Once the ego is no longer dictating the partnership, the heart mends and becomes one. You and your twin flame become a powerhouse of love, empathy and compassion to each other. And, this is contagious for everyone around you. You are the epitome of true unconditional love. Fear is no longer a valuable commodity. You have both worked through heartache. The mirror lives from past experiences have served as a union for this exact moment when you accept this type of love. Twin flames recognize each others’ vibration and frequency. They become one in rhythm. The oneness of their coupling isn’t only through the death of egotistical beliefs. It’s in the process of letting go that the heart recognizes why you need one another. You are here to make a difference in your lives.
Twin flames are miraculous in finding one another. They have learned to follow synchronicity, intuitive whispers and the wisdom of divine guidance. Unlike soul mates, twin flames have the ability to lovingly stay and enhance the soul’s purpose. They are the reason we believe in fairytales. The Power of Positivity website.
So that is a lot...
I believe in all of the above...well right up to number 6. I have never had a Twin Flame experience until recently...I have met people I was drawn to and had a hard time leaving but that was mostly addiction gone wrong when I was younger and then as much as I loved Lane and as much healing as he brought to my life, none of the above felt true for me and him. We were there for each and healed each other (well, I know he helped me heal) but this intuitive lightning strike to the heart and soul, not so much.
I think it falls apart for me at number 6. I think my belief system gets lost at number 5. People, including myself, run away. Except my feeling is that it isn’t just that you want to run away, people do. Standing on the edge of getting everything you have ever wanted is a terrifying place. I will speak for myself here...when presented with this type of intense emotional connection with someone else, I do not trust it, or myself. I want to, oh so desperately. But I don’t. I see the practical. I see the day to day stuff and that kills the dream for me. I feel like a little child being dragged away by a parent. I want to stay but the more pragmatic and rational part of me says things like:
But what if it isn’t?
What if you are wrong?
Who are you to think that this is possible for you?
Why would anyone risk it all to be with you?
Why would you risk it all to be with them?
Grow up already, would ya?
The dream is so seductive. I want to believe in the magic, the crazy, intense passionate draw towards another. I want to be the person that says, “Fuck it!” And goes for it even with the knowledge that I could be completely full of shit. And maybe I could get myself there, but to believe that the other person will do the same, that they will also at the same time, resist every common sense and rational part of themselves and likewise say “Fuck It! I am going for it!” Seems too much to believe in.
Love and passion and twin flames are one thing but will two people at the same time really give up all reason and logic to go for it?
Based on a feeling?
A touch?
A glance?
I think no. I want to believe differently but I don’t think I do. And that makes me incredibly sad. I want to believe in love and twin flames and that the most incredible thing you can do in your life is to love another in such as way that you lift them up and show up for them and be a part of their life in a positive and life altering way. I can see that there are people out there who I believe have found their twin flame and, to be honest, I envy their lives. I would give anything for that kind of partnership that is based on that kind of honesty and determination and love. But it all kind of falls apart for me when I try to apply it to myself. I just can’t see it happening. Really any of it...even if I have had the first five steps happen, the future falls apart because in the end I can’t see myself and the other person not running away. It would be a great story, but it, in the end, feels like a fairytale. Which are nice to believe in, but are really just stories made to help us survive reality.
I guess this is one of those moments where I am faced with the knowledge that as far as I have come spiritually, I can see that I have more work to do. I lack the kind of faith that can nail me to the spot where I could just stand bare, resisting all urge to run and hide. To remain affixed to the path of a twin flame. Heart laid open, allowing this other person access to my soul. I think this is where I run. Or they run. Or someone runs.
Think about what is being asked of you...to risk everything you have and know and feel on this attraction, this pull towards another. To literally bet your life and heart on someone else. Seems way safer to just trust pragmatism or reality or whatever.
And yet, I want to be someone else. The person who says, “Fuck it!” “I am here and I will not run. I will alter the course of my life for you, for a chance with you.”
Because we all only have chances with each other. We have to be wiling to show up again and again and again challenging each other and making it so that we both feel seen, and heard and loved. Two people have to make the most awesome decision to commit to each other and stay awake at the same time. To help each other honor this commitment to each other and for each other. To go deeper daily, to really have the guts to live life out loud and in a big way.
So far, I do not think most people risk that. They settle into something that is less amazing but far less scary too. Anyone contemplating risking it all for this Twin Flame idea would surely be looked at like they were nuts. It defies logic and reality and what life grinds us into. I want to be brave enough to move on to 6, 7 and 8. Really. But that implies that I believe that another would do the same...and that is where I falter. I think I could, risk it all, go for it. But I lack the belief that the other person would do the same for me. That was painful to write. It hit me in the gut. It continues to flop there like some fish out of water. Letting me know that I just spoke the truth.
My belief in Twin Flames has less to do with my beliefs about myself and more about my inherent distrust in others as they relate to me. I just can’t see a universe where this other person moves past their own fear and really commits to 6, 7 and 8. I want to believe it's true...but at least for today, it seems so far fetched.
And I guess that is where my work lies. Not in making myself not run. But in believing that someone else might also be willing to do the work not to run, for a chance with me. I am not sure if this is arrogance or self pity or lack of esteem. I will have to spend some time looking at this inherent distrust, because even though it is other focused, it belongs to me.
I love the idea of Twin Flames. It makes middle age seem less fatal. Makes me feel like there is still a lot of life to be lived and loved and held in the palm of your hand. So I will do the work to let go of all my old ideas and mistrust and skepticism. I will try, to believe that this is possible even for me.
In the meantime, I will just be here, burning my own flame at both ends...
