Dick Tricks...

I was out with some friends last night, and two of the friends were old friends, dating back to college days.  And the subject turned to funny shit that happened in the past.  Somehow, the subject of dick tricks came up...what are dick tricks you ask?  Well, I had never heard of them either before last night...apparently in fraternities in the 80s, guys would do funny things with their well, dicks, and trick other guys into looking...

They would wrap it around their wrist like a watch, this was called skin watch.  They would pull their balls out only, this was called bubblegum or brains.  They would tuck it all behind them, this was called a Shirley Temple.  I have no idea why it was called this and neither did they...

Once the conversation started, I kinda remembered this behavior going on when at frat parties in the 80s.  It was a vague memory, and to be fair, I was rarely sober in the 80s...so makes sense that the memory is hazy.

There were some funny stories and we all were laughing.   But it made me wonder:  Why did guys do this?  Why didn’t women do this?  Arguably, men have way funnier genitalia than women.  But is there something else going on?

Then the thought landed:  what would happen if we women exposed our genitalia in public or semi public places?  I mean, that would not be cool at all.  There would be outrage.  There would be arrests.  There would be not good shit that went down.  

I don’t think we, as a gender, could ever pull off a feat like a skin watch, or bubblegum or brain, as we clearly do not have the parts for any of that, and we are naturally locked into Shirley Temple mode, so...

But it isn’t a lack of anatomy that prevents us from being able to use our genitalia as a party props...instead it is that it would never, ever be safe for us to do that.  The free exposure comes with a feeling of safety that no woman I know in this world possesses.  Being able to use your private anatomy as a party trick, a laugh, a funny, is not something a woman would ever want to do, because once exposed, we would be targeted and likely injured.  This happens to us without the exposure, can you imagine what would happen if we decided we were going to fling it out there all the time?  Bad things, bad things would happen.

I have long said there is the privilege of the penis.  So many privileges and last night just underscored that I can add another one to my ever growing list.  Throwing your most personal part of your body out for all to see, as a fun thing to do at a party, is absolutely an extension of male privilege in our society.  I am not indicting men here, fuck, if I had that kind of bodily safety I might find it fun and funny to engage in as well.  But I don’t, so I don’t and I can’t think of one woman I know, real or celebrity, that would ever even think to use their vaginas as a prop.  I mean I think the closest we have ever come was the Vagina Monologues and that was referencial, not actual exposure.  And I am pretty sure the women of that production got death threats.

I also think that exposing some part of us that men really want to see and experience would make it something that would never be tolerated in our society.  They want it and we are supposed to not let them have it, or at least not right away.  Women who give it up too soon, too often, are still maligned and bemoaned in our society.  Be sexy, but not too sexy, and for God’s sake, do not ever cheapen yourself with exposure.  I mean men pay millions of dollars a year to see us exposing our shit at strip clubs, pornhub and now Only Fans.  But as they fork over millions of dollars each year, we, the women are still labeled as loose, sick, twisted, sad and fallen.

The men involved last night’s events are not patriarchal asshats.  They are loving men, with wives and children and upstanding citizens.  And I do not believe they engaged in this behavior themselves, just observed it in other men they knew...but the phenomena of men using their dicks are party tricks just landed in me as some sort of bizarre male privilege that I am pretty sure we women do not want, but could not ever have.  And it is this later portion of my observation and thinking that landed hard for me.  Women don’t use their genitalia as party tricks ever but when we use our bodies In any kind of public way, we are usually doing it to support ourselves, to feed our children or make a living.  We do not have the inclination or the urge to use our body parts for good times at a party just for laughs.  And that is largely, perhaps exclusively, because we would not likely survive the assault that would follow.

We keep our privates, private, unless we have been forced into a position that we have to use those body parts to support our habits, our kids or ourselves.  No woman I have ever met or known proudly asserts the above behavior as fun or funny.  It was what her circumstances dictated...(pun intended).

I am not sure gender equality can ever be achieved in this world.  Those with the power are never going to give it up and those of us who lack the power are always going to fight to achieve separate but equal power.  I guess, for me, I do not want the power of the penis.  I do not have any desire to use my vagina as a party prop, but I will say I do envy the impunity in which men very cavalierly can.  I envy the stridentness.  I envy the audaciousness.  I envy that they do because they can.

Footnote:  I don’t know how much men would do this in mixed company today...back in the 80s you could do this type of thing in social settings and not end up with a public indecency charge. However today, I think men doing this in mixed company would run the very real risk of ending up on some sort of sex offender registry...and I am not sure that is progress.  I am not sure of any of this really at all...

For me, I would still pick being female.  I would not select being male if I could.  Even though, being female is inherently dangerous in this world.  I heard someone on a podcast say to a room full of women, “if you could be male for a day, what would you do with that day?”  And the audience was quiet...then one brave woman spoke up, “I would walk around, outside all night long...”

And if that doesn’t sum this whole thought process up, I am not sure what would.  Men do because they can, without fear of reprisal, and women can’t because they can’t, without fear period.

Again, still...