Good Fences Make Good Neighbors...

Well, Mr. Frost, I tend to agree.

Living in a small community brings up for me the idea of values.  In Ojai, if you act like an asshole, chances are there will be a few key people to witness your outburst:  the high school principal, your neighbor across the street and the guy that runs the convenience store down the way.  I mean it could, just as likely, be your bank teller, your gardner, or your accountant.  What I mean to say is, that in this very small town, you can’t afford to act like a jackass, without having several people you know see you do it.  Which definitely helps one to clean up their act.  There is very little anonymity here; a half a degree of separation.  Even the stars that live here find out that everyone will know they are here, but after the initial hullabaloo, no one will seem to notice or care.

We all go about our lives in relative ease and peace.  But we do notice when someone, anyone (usually an out of towner - usually from LA) violates our neighborly and kind way of life.  That isn’t to say that Ojai has no local assholes, but in general, we all do our best to get along with each other, show up for each other and be cordial.

A little while ago I got a new neighbor to the back of me.  And I heard all the construction going on and I didn’t mind that one bit!  They get to update their property.  They were always cool about it, never starting too early or going too late.  Didn’t know if they were new to Ojai or just my neighborhood but they seemed to be hip to the idea that being cool meant not being a douche.

Embarrassingly, I never introduced myself.  I lay out in the backyard, often, and I would hear them over there but never said anything. Partly because it is kind of weird to just lob introductions across a fence from a disembodied voice...and also because I tend to be a private person (I know except here where I bare my soul - again contrary to my core).

Anyway, I never took the time to make an introduction or welcome them to the neighborhood which is not, admittedly, very Ojai like.

Well, the other day I noticed that my neighbor was cutting down this huge hedge that was between us.  It was right on the fence line and was at least 12 feet tall.  It gave us a lot of privacy and a feeling of distance even though we are not far apart at all.  I was initially upset because I liked the hedge.  I liked the barrier.  I didn’t want it gone...

But after a few moments of reflection, I thought, “well it isn’t YOUR hedge and your neighbor has every right to do whatever they want with THEIR hedge...you would HATE it if someone told you what to do or what not to do with your property...”

So I accepted the hedge’s imminent demise...and I decided I will just plant more bamboo and in a few months the tall natural barrier will be back...

But then the fence fell down...

Totally not my neighbor’s fault.  The hedge and fence had almost become one a long time ago and the hedge totally mangled the fence’s integrity.

Well, now I was in a pickle because my border collie, with springs for legs, would be parkouring into his yard momentarily...and the days of being able to let her out into her yard, unsupervised, gone.

So I went over to chat with my neighbor about what their plans might be and if we could resolve the fence issue...

I knocked and waited...

A very nice man answered the door...

Before I could say a word,  he said, “it’s you!”

I was flummoxed.  “Um, what?”

Man:  “I know you!  Well, from Facebook...”

Me: “Um, ok (not knowing him at all)”

Man:  “Yeah, I follow you on Naked Random Thoughts, what a great blog!  So real!”

Me stunned...”is this really happening?”

Man:  “I don’t know how I came upon your blog but I think we are now connected on Facebook and it is really vulnerable and cool. (I am paraphrasing what he said because I no longer have eidenic recall of conversations...please forgive me).”

Me:  “wow, thank you!  I am Erin (very stupid thing to say since he already knew my name but I do awkward well!)”

Man: “yes I know...”

Me:  “Yes, sorry, nice to officially meet you...can I talk to you about the fence?”

And so we walked back to the fence and he showed me all the stuff he was doing with the place.  Very cool!  He has a climbing wall and an ADU!  Impressive to fit all of that on his property and I then understood why the giant fucking hedge needed to go.

We discussed and he said he would have his guy prop up the fence and we would see where we landed once they got the monstrous hedge outta there.

The next day I followed up because the fence was still very much easily breached by my almost 8 year old dog who has not slowed down one single bit.  I was worried because my ability to attend to watching her (I am very easily distracted) would ensure that she would parkour into his yard and out his front gate within the hour.

He was on it!  And the fence was righted and the dog crisis was averted.

It meant so very much to me that he actually cared about my well being and that of my dog.  That he and his guy came over and fixed it and took care of it and now the fence is secure while he figures out the next steps he wants to take on his side.  Which is totally cool, he can take all the time he needs to plan his next move...I am so very grateful to not have to eagle eye my dog seven times a day.  And my dog, who believes the yard is her complete dominion can now go back to chasing crows out of her airspace and walking the property line each evening to ensure no possums or raccoons crawl the fence line.

Order restored. Life back on track.

I sent him a voice message telling him how very much I appreciated his efforts and the fact that he made it a priority.  But in today’s world, with civility being something of the 1900s, I believe he needs a special call out.

He could have told me to fuck off.  He could have said, “sucks to be you and your dog.”  But he didn’t.  He took very seriously how his behavior had the unintended consequence of impacting my life and that of my dog.  And then he inconvenienced himself and likely derailed his worker from making progress on HIS projects to ensure that I was relieved of the fallen fence burden.

It pains me to say that this astonished me.  But it did.  In today’s world, you never know what you are going to get.  My other neighbor and I had a tree issue like 10 years ago and now we do not speak except when she yells at me for living and breathing over the fence.  My other neighbors (side and across the street) are great and we have maintained good, cordial, friendly relations for the entire time I have lived here.  We help each other out and are there to assist when needed or the fates bring crisis or peril.  Three outta four ain’t bad.

If you have never had a horrible neighbor issue, then you are lucky.  It is terrible to live next door to someone when there is beef.  I don’t know about you but my home is my sanctuary and so having an issue with the people who surround my sanctuary is a problem of the highest order.  Even the neighbor who doesn’t like me, even she has stopped the expletive yelling so much anymore and just seems to ignore me.  And I really do try to do nothing to annoy her...again, still.

There will always be a tension between a boundary and a relationship.  Sometimes the boundary is set to ward off future intimacy.  But sometimes, a boundary, such as a fence, in this case, is exactly the barrier that will allow for a further intimacy.  All relationships need boundaries that are respected and held in a loving way.  And I am happy to report that my neighbor is a great neighbor.  I felt heard, seen and respected.  And I pray he does as well. I hope he will appreciate this very public call out!  I kept his name out of it because not everyone is interested in being named in this blog, as I have found out the hard way!

Good fences do make good neighbors especially when dogs are involved.

I will miss the old hedge, but I am happy my neighbor is exercising his freedom to do with his property as he wishes.  And I hope he will invite me over to see the finished product!  I am very grateful to have him as my neighbor and that we were able to work through an issue with kindness, grace and respect.

Sometimes, perhaps, good neighbors make good fences...

"Something there is that doesn't love a fence..."

Again, still...