Well, I woke up to a shitshow (literally) this morning. The whole cat/litter box situation debacle continues...I will spare you the details. You are most welcome. I will intimate that a robot vacuum cleaner was involved so there was a moving shitshow which was a new level of hell.
But, what I really want to say and write about is that it didn’t phase me. I laughed about it. A girlfriend called me when I was in the throws of this particular nightmare and we laughed. She found it hilarious and so did I. So there you go, if you can laugh at a problem, it really ceases to be that much of a problem.
So here I am now finally back in bed, the shitshow cleansed, although I am thinking that perhaps I need a shower, or twelve. Regardless, I am back in bed, writing. And I am grateful. I am happy. My heart feels full and I really feel like life and I are on amazing terms in this moment.
And I am not now ducking, waiting for life to level me. I used to feel that way, that if I felt good, I better brace because life was going to round house kick me in the ass. Today, I have the ability to allow myself to feel good, whole and in wonder, every day. I don’t wait for the other shoe to fall, I know it will. Sometimes before I even get out of bed, with cat shit fueled dumpster fires. But I can start my day over any time I like. So I did. What an amazing gift that is!
I have built my life around a daily gratitude practice. I do my gratitude list every day. 12 things I am grateful for to begin my day. And starting tonight, I will write down another 12 to end my day. Bookending my life in gratitude for all that I have, am, and possess. All the amazing people in my life. The animals. My children. My parents. My work. My home. My friends. My recovery. All of it. I am truly blessed.
So as I sit here in my amazing bed, drinking coffee just the way I like it, in my Ember mug that makes it just the right temperature, I feel like life and I are on good terms but not just because things in this moment are good. Things a few moments ago were really shitty, quite literally.
It has taken a lifetime, my lifetime, to realize that I do not have to mentally go with the external circumstances. I can hold my interior balance even when things are blowing up all around me. I can be grateful and happy even when things are not to my liking, when things are painful, when things are hard, when I am sad, frustrated, hungry, angry, lonely and tired. And gratitude is the tool that gets me there every single time.
Life is a constant tidal wave of blessings and curses. That is just what life does. But gratitude is the equalizer. It is the ballast, the equilibrium. When I am foundering, I can anchor myself to life by understanding that while my immediate circumstances may suck ass, they are fleeting and temporary. And the one absolute thing that I can count on, is that everything will change.
Gratitude helps me maintain perspective when my internal, emotional nature lacks purchase and metal. When I slip and slide all over my emotional turmoil, gratitude helps me remember that nothing lasts forever, not even gratitude. I think that is why, for me, it must be a daily practice. I cannot exist on the gratitude of yesterday because today will bring unique problems and issues all of its own. And so I need to fortify myself with those sometimes hard to conjure feelings of being grateful for each lesson each day brings. Because each one, even shitty ones like this morning, help me drop down and into a more authentic and loving experience of my life. And for that I am truly and amazingly grateful.
I see this view every day when I walk my dog. It brings me so much peace and gratitude!