I woke up this morning feeling lousy. No COVID so that is a good thing. Just a sore throat - which my daughter had last week. I feel like a sitting duck for illness now. Like my immune system is comprised and there is nothing I can do about it. I am doing my very best to take care of myself: drinking tons of water, eating better than I ever have in my life, exercising daily, getting plenty of sleep. And still, January has been a health impacted shitshow.
Now this is just what it feels like. It isn’t reality. I know that. And I really have nothing to complain about. All things considered, I am lucky and doing quite well. But I am really sick of feeling like shit.
When I was a kid, I would be super depressed every Sunday because Monday was the next day. It felt like my weekend was killed just by the proximity of Sunday to Monday. I would spend most of Sunday dreading Monday. School. Homework. Social anxieties. It was awful. Somewhere in my growing up, I lost the depressive destruction of Sunday. And now love Sundays as my kids and I have tried our best to make Sunday’s fun days. It is kind of a middle finger to Monday if I am honest. I am going to tear up Sunday with no regard for the fact that I have to go to work the next day! Screw you Monday! But in reality my tearing up isn’t really all that impressive. Yesterday I wrote, went to a meeting, did chores, hiked, went to the beach and sat in the sun. I really showed Monday!
All kidding aside, I am so grateful that my internal mental habits changed from loathing Sundays because of their close proximity to Mondays. I am grateful that I didn’t mentally check out on Sundays just because Monday follows. And I have also come to not hate Mondays, although I will fully admit that I am not excited about today. I don’t feel great and I am really tired. But I can work from home and maybe squeeze a nap in over lunch. Doubtful as I am not a good napper but at least I can be at home and comfortable and productive and not let my team down at work. I am immensely grateful for that.
Today just feels like a Monday which is actually quite good news as I haven’t felt this way about Monday is a long time when I used to ruin the entire day before because of how much I hated Mondays. Perhaps a relatively insignificant issue to most but any time that I am not ruining my life by my own thoughts is a good day.
So I enter this Monday not feeling well, tired and in need of another day off. But I know today I can rally and move myself forward even if I am less than thrilled. Today Monday can feel like a Monday and I can move forward anyway. And hey, I can even be grateful that it isn’t raining...that would really be a kick in the pants. As I am learning, it is all how I look at things. I can be pissed off at being sick and having to go back to work today or I can be grateful that I had a nice weekend, I didn’t let the threat of Monday ruin Sunday, I do not have COVID again, I can work from home and it is NOT raining. All of a sudden Monday feels pretty darn ok! Hope yours is too!