Karmic Clouds...

You can feel it the second you meet a person.  You might call it something else: an immediate dislike, bad energy, weird feeling, repulsion, attraction, vibing.   Whatever it is, you can feel it even if you can’t name it.  People repel us and people pull us in.  And it has taken me a very long time to realize that how I react to the other person’s energy is more a function of my own karmic cloud hanging around, than what the other person is presenting me with...

How I respond, or not, to others is a function of how well, or not, I have dealt with, assimilated, healed or otherwise dealt with the karma that is hanging all around me.  My willingness to deal with, address, heal, or not, my own dangling karmic issues has a very direct effect on others and how I relate to them.

I think, as usual, I have been focused on the wrong thing.  I have spent my lifetime walking towards people and then walking away, believing all the while that it was their energy that was off-putting, weird, difficult, toxic or otherwise unwanted.  It has taken my lifetime, thus far, for me to turn that around and look at how my reaction to others is really a function of how well, or not, I have dealt with my own lingering karmic shit...

All this time, I thought it was you!  And sometimes it is.  But the evolution of me, the resolution of my karmic stickiness is really what makes you attractive to me or not.  In my more healed form, there are so many people from my past that I would not have engaged with, so many people I would have refused entry and access to me and my life.  But I didn’t know.  I just simply didn’t know.

I kind of see my life as a before and after story.  So many places in my life where I had how I behaved before something happened and how I behaved after.  The karmic healing has been happening all along, but there have been clear demarkations where I was one way and then this horrible thing happened and after I was just different. No longer able to engage in my life, the world, with others in the same manner any longer.  Not able to be present or show up in the same way and manner as I had previously done a million times.

For me, this karmic relational cleaning has been on a fast track for the last four years.  I made one decision and that one decision created a relational avalanche I did not see coming.  But as I worked diligently to clean up the relational avalanche debris, everything about my life changed.  How I was in this world became different.  I saw the task at hand: my job was to clear up my own karmic shit hanging around.  And if I focused on that, instead of you and your karmic bullshit, I would attract different to my life.  I would present as more healed and healing and in so doing, I would create a natural barrier to toxic, desperate, volatile people in my life.  And that is exactly what happened.  I became willing to deal with my own karma and in so doing, the people who had previously held me down and away, just vanished...I healed and so did the karmic cloud that lingered and followed me everywhere I went.

Today, I believe, I am working on my karmic stuff.  Doing my best to clean it up, heal it, choose differently.  To see each moment of every day as an opportunity to practice waking up, being authentic, practicing the principles in all of my affairs and all of my relationships.  And because I have worked hard, my relationships are the best they have ever been.  And it all started when I saw that the most toxic person in my life was, in fact, me.  I would never attract better or different until I became different and “better.”

Today I know within ten minutes of meeting someone the karma they are avoiding.  It isn’t my job to point it out to them...it is just my job to notice how much I want to cross karmic streams with them.  Sometimes I must, it is unavoidable, and sometimes I get to choose, not that person, not today.

It is interesting to me to think of karma being like a cloud that enshrouds a person, and I experience that cloud every time I think of them, see them, engage with them.  And sometimes I need that particular cloud to clear away and up my own karmic cloud.  But other times, I can use my perception of the other person’s karmic cloud to decide, “you know what, not for me, not today,” and side step it immediately...

In the end, I cannot change someone else’s karma.  But I can totally cleanse, redress, heal and change my own.  And in so doing, I change the way I engage with this life, the way I heal, the way I love, the way I show up...and that has made such an amazing and wonderful difference not only in my own life, but in the lives of those who I choose to allow to be in my life. My karma is healing, and so I am able to show up in the lives of others with a cloud that is less heavy, toxic and sticky.

Again, still...